A post I read this week where a fellow FDSer said her husband appreciates the “high-maintenance” women in his life rather than being annoyed by them got me thinking.

Chances are when you hear the word “high maintenance” your mind goes to it being an insult. It’s not. Have you ever been told you are high maintenance? Excellent. If not, you should work toward it. Here’s why.

Being a high maintenance woman means that you don’t have the fucking time for any bullshit below your standards. High maintenance = high standards. Learn that association and re-wire your brain to that meaning. Where LVM think “too much work,” HVM think “worth my time.”

When you set your standards, it’s also all about your delivery. You don’t have to be whiny. You don’t have to yell. Be assertive — but do it with grace. Do not let a man pull rage or emotion out of you. Start your relationship with sure footing.

When he asks you what your favorite restaurant is, tell him. Mention the last time you went there and the dress you wore. Don’t say, “Oh, I don’t like to spend money on eating out.”

When he compliments your outfit, nails, or hair, THANK HIM. DON’T downplay it like you think it’s “stupid” and “girly” to take care of yourself.

When he says gee, you sure work a lot, make sure he knows how much you value your job, your independence and your free time. And that he doesn’t get all of it. Women who are scrambling to fit a man into their schedule look desperate and unfocused on their future.

When he buys you dinner, a gift or flowers, do not thank him effusively. Do not act like you have never been thrown a limp bunch of roses before. Give him a small smile, positively reinforce him, and move on with your day. If he thinks that’s all it takes to make you swoon, the bar is on the floor. You can be appreciative and cordial while also letting him know that it’s not unusual for you to be doted on, and that he’s going to have to step it up a bit to get your attention.

Also, doing something for you counts as being busy. You do not have to be running a marathon or having brunch with 45 of your closest friends to be too busy too see him today. Getting your hair done, taking a nap, doing your nails, writing up your 10-year plan, reading a book, going shopping, doing your laundry and going out to dinner alone all count as being busy.

When you start making yourself the first priority, a LVM will say, “Wow, she’s high maintenance.” A HVM will say, “Wow, she knows what she wants — and I want to give it to her.”

The literal second you start compromising on your standards for yourself and those around you, it is like blood in the water for LVM. They sense it and they crave it, and you are making yourself vulnerable to bullshit by allowing self-doubt in.

Never let anyone make you feel ashamed or “too much” for doing what makes you feel beautiful. Anyone who judges you for that can take a seat on the goddamn curb.