Hey everyone,

Since discovering FDS around a few months ago, my dating life has changed drastically. I'm now in a relationship with a man who seems HV so far, even though it's still too early to tell definitely. Still, I've made a few experiences with men I would never have considered dating pre-FDS, namely, men who were more conservative than anything I'd dated before.

When I'm talking about men who are conservative or religious, I do not mean alt-right anti-feminist All-Lives-Matter guys. I live in a European country in which we don't have as much of a problem with rising facism as people do in the US. I'm mostly talking about practising Catholics who hold some more socially conservative opinions. They might not be down with Third Wave Feminism (sex work, gender issues) but certainly believe in women's general equality to men. The ones I dated also usually came from very well-to-do families with strong female role models.

Before FDS, I usually dated men whose political opinions were very similar to my own on the surface: The sort of bougie liberal who buy hummus en masse and have a thing for quinoa. You know the type.

The reason I felt increasingly bothered by these men is that I found that whilst they often preached the lingo of feminism very well, they had terrible behavioural patterns. They were overly sensitive, required tons of emotional labour, were insecure in their masculinity, and did not meaningfully support me on my own journey in return.

I eventually discovered FDS, broke up with one of those Hummus-Eaters, and shortly after dated someone very different. Met him via university, and was really surprised by the whole experience. He was notably more conservative than any man I'd ever dated before, and also more religious than even me. Not gonna lie, it caused some discussions. But what really struck me were two things: He allowed those discussions. They didn't turn into witch hunts. He even changed his mind on a few issues. And:

He actually felt like he had a role to fill in our relationship.

The Hummus-Eaters had basically deconstructed their own masculinity to the point that they offered no tangible 'benefit' to me. They didn't believe in men providing, so they weren't providers. They didn't believe in men being strong bedrocks, so they dumped their emotional issues on me. They didn't believe in men having to be physically able, so they didn't exercise or engage in typically male hobbies like sports. They rejected traditional masculinity, but they had nothing to replace it with, so they ended up being leeches who couldn't give me anything.

This guy had a role. He wasn't some sort of alpha-male-gotta-provide-gotta-have-muscles-hurr-durr-guy, but he still saw certain things as his 'job' in a relationship that the Hummus-Eaters would have rejected based on some notion of sexism: He felt it was his job to woo me, gift me flowers, try to fix my car, be the yang to my yin.

I later dated another guy with similar views. That guy is now my boyfriend. We've been commited for six months and so far, I'm really into this relationship.

It's that same notion of him having a 'role'. He doesn't require constant reassurance and support. He has his life in order, he's active, focused on his academic and career development, none of that self-flagellating analysis of 'privilege' the Hummus-Eaters were prone to. He has a sense of masculinity independent of me that fuels him to achieve.

Sisters, what do you think? What are your experiences with that kind of guy?