Alright ladies, it's time for my victory lap.

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Start of 2020, I thought I was in a good place. Stable, happy long-term relationship, happy at my job, living with my best friend and happy at my new job. I was finally recovering my mental and physical health after escaping a childhood filled with trauma and misery, and having the typical young adult struggles of balancing new responsibilities with my instincts to run wild and have fun. Having a pretty good time overall, but nothing amazing happening.

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And then everything changed when Covid hit...

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and a few months later the relationship I who I thought was The One crumbled as I realized he didn't have the emotional maturity to be a serious and committed life partner, and I felt abandoned and betrayed by him and by my ex-best friend, who I also had been stuck in a state of limerence with for years. He also turned out not to actually respect appreciate or really care about me, and with the worst timing ever I was stuck basically facing homelessness in a pandemic, no family to turn to, no friends to take me in, my weakness and paralyzing fear consuming me as I waited to see what would happen to me.

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Well, I landed a job in my dream industry, the opportunity I had been studying and praying for for years, and I found some people who were kind and accepting of who I am, and I got space to flourish and stretch out, test my skills. I've got opportunities in my future that I am creating now with hard work, dedication, and focus. I improved myself, with a laser focus on maintaining my mental health and allowing myself the time and space to heal from the hurt, and learn to help myself and soothe myself, be my own caretaker and not rely on anyone for validation or confirmation, to take risks and embrace the consequences, to allow myself to explore all aspects of myself and be excited and eager about life again, enjoying my own space and the maintenance of my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual existence.

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I went hard y'all, shaved my head and confronted my demons and changed my name it's a whole-ass vibe of 'new bitch, who dis?'. Finally, living my best life and enjoying my own company, and doing it in some goddamn style too if I do say so myself (ok that style is somewhat chaotic and ridiculous but dammit it's mine!!)

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And then someone very special dropped out of the sky right into my lap.

He's *gorgeous*. He's *kind*. He. Is. RESPECTFUL!!

He came over for the first time with roses, and opened my car door for me on our date. He loves my nerd rants and thinks that I'm adorable with no hair, no makeup, no pretense, the real **me**.

I love the way he makes me feel, and the effort he puts into making sure I know he appreciates me and accepts me, and treats me like an absolute queen and literally is so overcome that he delights in telling me he is the luckiest man in the world, and loves to care for me and make me happy.

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We had the discussion of sex, and we both are very high-libido people who find it difficult to wait to engage in sexual activities, but we want to do this right, build that strong foundation of mutual trust and respect and affection, and be able to come together and make love, real love, when the time is right.

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This is all, ALL, due to the principals we teach here, the self-respect and compassion and attraction of possibilities and potential. Self-actualization and Self-realization are not goals but journeys with struggles and rewards, challenges and opportunities that reflect the work we've done on ourselves. I've found this balance now, I'm sure I'll have to readjust and work on it continually but gradually it's getting easier and easier, and I see the future I deserve opening up before me. Autonomy, independence, self-respect, self-love, community and compassion are what saved me, and will save anyone brave enough to face themselves honestly.

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Now, I feel this responsibility to reach out to my sisters and tell you that this community and the spirit of freedom, independence, and the questioning of myself, my conditioning, my environment, and my standards are what helped me raise my awareness of myself as a conscious being in significant and lasting ways, not to even mention the breakdown of society's attachments to and projections of 'womanhood' that I have now rejected.

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I encourage any lurkers or anyone waiting for their moment, their sign, their opportunity for growth, to take a chance and give yourself the permission to embrace the lessons and perspectives they may find here, and learn all you can to better yourself however you want to, and thank yourself and your sisters for making it possible, the way I would now like to thank each and every one of you on here who have helped me achieve so much more than I thought was possible, and accept the potential of what else can be. Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart and with the deepest and truest gratitude, thank you FDS. Love, always <3