How do you encourage your man step things up?

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2019-10-30T21:02:08+00:00

What does "more effort" look like to you?

Often, the problem with course-correcting long term relationships is that, even if there is a horrible effort imbalance that needs to be addressed, the man perceives you standing up for yourself as him having fewer freedoms and additional work.

Regardless of how well you communicate your perspective, they usually see this as you getting demanding and "changing," and they often grow to resent you for it. You're no longer the "cool girl" because you demand basic respect. They fell in love with a (relative) doormat and most of them can't hack it with an equal.

rftw2013 · 2019-10-30T21:02:11+00:00

Simply be less available. Fill up your time with other things.

Is there a specific thing you'd like? Don't nag, but rather you might express a desire: "I'd like to go to the John Mayer concert in January." See what he says. If he makes noise about it being too expensive, blah blah blah when he has plenty of money for other things, then you know where you stand in importance.

copingwithshit · 2019-10-31T01:25:46+00:00

Kinda sad, but it seems to be a simple formula:

Praise them when they do something you like
Ignore them when they do something you don’t like

Ignoring seems to be the most effective tool. Also, it will be way easier to ignore them if you have your own hobbies and interests.

ino_y · 2019-10-31T03:25:33+00:00

A ton of men have the mindset of "got the girl" and "time to relax and enjoy my hard work".

Never let them think they got the girl. Complacency = lazy.

Title	How do you encourage your man step things up?
Author	lrprc00
Upvotes	3
Comments	8
Date	October 30, 2019 8:54 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dpcoxg/how_do_you_encourage_your_man_step_things_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-encourage-your-man-step-things-up.689133 https://theredarchive.com/post/689133

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