How to make High Value friends

cherrypepsilvr · 2020-05-04T11:44:01+00:00

" PickMe and LVScrote wanna trauma bond over misery and be miserable together, that's why they need to hang on so tight."

So true. I come from a TRAUMATIC background, and I used to try and explain myself all the time because I felt like I was always getting everything wrong in social settings so I needed to be like "Sorry it's because of -----".

But all it got me was people looking down on and feeling sorry for me, or weirdos seeing my vulnerability and plotting to abuse me. It makes people see you as LV, even if they think you're "nice".

Now I don't tell anyone anything unless they ask, which they usually don't. I'll be chatty about general things, but no one gets to know anything about me if they don't care enough to ask. I don't need to apologise or explain why I'm nervous. At most I'll say, "I have a medical condition."

It gives you a lot more power and dignity, and in that, you'll find that a lot of your old friends don't like you having power and dignity. They can go, sis.

circescircus · 2020-05-04T10:07:26+00:00

I agree! But I'll add-- it can take a lot of time and luck to meet HV people.

In 8 years, I made 6 HVW friends. I met 3 of them in Europe, moved back to the US, 2 still live in Europe and the other moved back to Korea. I have another HVW friend on the other side of the US. I have 1 HVW friend who lives one state away from me, and another who lives in 1.5 hours away in the same state.

I have several acquaintances/casual friends who seem HV, but I don't know them well enough. I also have several female cousins who are relatable and I can talk to, because I come from an immigrant working class background, and we aren't so woke that we can't understand reality. My cousins have other issues though, they're not pickmes, they are just sort of fatalistic and are stuck with where they are at in life.

I've been living in the same place for 2 years, the same house literally. Before coronavirus, I went to fitness classes, workshops etc regularly. In 2 years, I haven't been able to make a HVW friend locally. I did make acquaintances and people were friendly enough, but I didn't really bond with anyone in a significant way. With some of these people, we call each other "friends", but I know that we're not actually true friends, and I think they know that too.

A lot of it comes down to luck. You meet awesome people randomly, but years can go before you meet another awesome person, who you vibe with, where you bond, support each other and build each other up.

Life is also difficult and complicated, especially now, so even if you make an awesome friend, they might move, you might move, one or both of you might be legitimately slammed with life.

And I was single for 5 years before meeting my husband.

If you want a circle of HV friends, a HVM as a partner.. you have to be okay with being alone, you have to be able to occupy yourself with interests, hobbies, projects. It can take a long time, a lot of effort, and a lot of luck.

BasieSkanks · 2020-05-04T11:19:06+00:00

I found a lot of HV friends through volunteering at uni. We bonded over our desire to improve the fortunes of others, and people who volunteer tend to exhibit HV qualities. The friends I’ve made through volunteering genuinely have my back, and I’m so blessed to have them.

estu0 · 2020-05-04T15:38:18+00:00

My biggest advice is pay attention to when your “friends” hit you up. If it’s only when they need something like a ride somewhere or emotional support, and they never reciprocate, drop that friend. I’m a very generous person and I’ve let my guard down a little too easily in the past, I let people who I was close with both romantically and platonically take advantage of my generosity. But, not any more. Ive started to see one-sided relationships for what they are and narrowed down the people I consider “friends” to about 4 people and honestly? I couldn’t be happier with the friends I have chosen for myself. I met my two best friends in art school and we all lived together for 3 years with very little issues. We all communicated our needs and wants as far as house stuff went, and if there was even the slightest issue, it was resolved very quickly due to how deeply we understand each other. These two women add an indescribable amount of value to my life. Despite one of us living out of state and the quarantine, we all continue to talk every day, whether it be through messages, video calls, or visiting each other’s islands on animal crossing. We’re all into different approaches to art and are constantly bouncing ideas off one another and giving each other feedback on current projects. If I’m having an issue, these two will drop everything to help me. If something good happened, they will drop everything to celebrate with me. I will always do the same with them. These absolute queens are my friends for life and no man will ever come before them.

BerryCocoLove · 2020-05-04T11:09:07+00:00

I grew up around lots of LV people due to my family situation. As a result, it was comfortable and familiar for me to surround myself with LVW as friends.

A couple years ago in my mid 20’s I had this huge awakening that made me take a deep dive into processing childhood issues and reversing faulty programming. I was alone for a while until I started getting involved with groups that catered to my interests and connected me with women I could relate to.

In a nutshell, I believe it was my ongoing quest for personal growth that led me to attracting high value friends

asongcalledplush · 2020-05-05T00:45:37+00:00

Excellent post. I think most people of either gender are low value and I've been working on cutting down all sorts of interpersonal riff raff.

West-Cook · 2020-05-04T17:11:19+00:00

My HV friends I made either in my marketing courses at community college or at work, where I have a healthy work-social environment. My core group of friends is that previous group; we met through a professional development club (ie, we were all working on sharpening our skills) and bonded over late nights working on our extra curricular project (ie, we bonded over activities that proved how much weight we would pull, and how well we worked together.) There were plenty of other people that came in and out of the club, but those of us who are still friends that check in with each other at least weekly were in leadership roles in the club and therefore we made the most investment with each other. We get together whenever we can for new experiences—usually going to nice restaurants together, or getting together for movie nights. We are not afraid to treat each other out.

The group make up is 3 women, 2 men, and we’re all relatively successful by our own standards. One of us is still a student (grad school) but the rest of us are working professionals, one owns her own business consulting business, and are more focused on working on ourselves and our skills than dating. We’re coming out of our late 20s at a really weird time, but I’m glad we have each other.

A couple examples of how my friends are high value:

One time I messaged friend B about possibly switching my major, and she immediately called me to talk to me for two hours to talk me through the mental breakdown I was going through.

Friend H was the first friend in a long time to just get me a present just because, a little notebook she wrote an inside joke inside the front cover, so we could met on New Years to write our resolutions together.

Slightly off topic, but I also think H is an example of high value people attracting high value partners. H’s partner is supportive of her even though following her goal leads to her living an hour away from where he goes to university; he drives to her at least three times a month, and actively works on his relationship with her friends. (He has one on one friendships with the men in our group and respectful friendship interactions with the women in group settings or, lately, when H leaves her phone with him while we’re in a group call and she needs to go of screen for some reason).

Title	How to make High Value friends
Author	jayda92
Upvotes	107
Comments	11
Date	May 4, 2020 9:37 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gd8j46/how_to_make_high_value_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-to-make-high-value-friends.692425 https://theredarchive.com/post/692425

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