A bit about my background: I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist for five years. After leaving him, I got involved with someone who didn't immediately raise any red flags, but boy did they come out as time went on.

The biggest red flag is that he refused to commit to me because he was afraid of public perception because he and my ex were friends, but he still wanted the benefit of my company, emotional support, sex, etc. For years I was understanding of his reluctance to commit because I guess I thought one day it wouldn't matter to him anymore and he would eventually do right by me. Almost five years later and he still hasn't lol. It got to the point where he was ashamed to be seen with me because of what people might say. This is a man in his 30's, living his life based on people's opinions of him. Meanwhile, my ex started going to therapy and church and seems to have completely turned his life around and moved on from the situation. He is actually getting married today to a very nice woman lol. We have spoken and buried the hatchet and I genuinely wish him the best.

Back to the trash man now. Let me list out all his low value traits:

  1. Mentally ill (ADD) and refuses to seek treatment even though it significantly affects his quality of life. His ADD caused a lot of the issues between us.
  2. Passive-aggressive, selfish, sarcastic mopey, winey, woe-is-me, self-righteous, bitter, revengeful, spiteful, manipulative, jealous, possessive, commitment phobe
  3. Man-child. His car was always breaking down or he would neglect to take care of his car insurance, registration, etc. Once he asked to borrow my car and said I could use his since he had a long journey to make that day and I live near to work. His car broke down on me in the middle of the street. Meanwhile, he had my brand new (at the time), well maintained, clean car with lavender air freshener while his car smelled like stale weed.
  4. Hygiene issues. It wasn't TERRIBLE but from time to time I would see it and this should NEVER happen. You are an adult man!
  5. Very go with the flow and takes whatever life throws at him instead of demanding what he wants and taking charge of his destiny.
  6. Cheap. The worst example of this is when he offered to pay for my abortion and then a few weeks later he asked if I could give him back half of the money.
  7. Mommy's boy.
  8. A coward. The worst example of this is when we decided to take a weekend together out of town and when we got to the villa, he saw my ex and freaked out, turned the car around and drove three hours back home. We didn't even get to see our hotel room. Literally just drove three hours and span right back around. This was the last straw for me. I cut him off and haven't spoken to him since. Imagine how stupid I looked and felt.
  9. Porn addict and sexual deviant.
  10. Manipulative. Led me on and then, later on, said that he did no such thing when I started to catch feelings.
  11. Strung me along for FOUR years while having no real intention to commit to me, while getting jealous if I started seeing other men. I blame myself for this because I kept going back.

I have been doing a lot of work on myself. Consistently going to therapy, reading self-help books, eating well, taking care of my body and prioritizing my health in every way. I have a successful career, great friendships and a good relationship with my parents. When I finally saw my worth I was DISGUSTED that I allowed this piece of hot garbage to dominate my life for such a long time. He doesn't deserve to benefit from my presence and he has nothing of value to offer me.