This is what one of my besties said the other day about a woman I used to know, who unfortunately belongs in the pickmeisha hall of fame. The recent post on here about the young woman smart enough to not let her now ex-bf move in w/ her bc he admitted he "can't even fry an egg" and wanted a mommy bang maid reminded me of this story. I wanted to share this bc I think it's an example of how a lot of the "little things" really aren't so little after all.

I used to work w/ this woman who was dating this guy 2 yrs when I met her. They were in their late 20s, and neither had lived on their own ever. Few months after we met, she started buying an apartment (it was an absolute nightmare, mortgage and board approval and all). Said she wasn't going to let him move in right away, bc she was wanted to do this on her own. Older lady in the office said something like of course, and you don't want him thinking youre "mommy" picking up after him.

Well he moves in pretty soon after she buys the place. And that's when all the problems really started to show (but I know there were red flags prior). He wasn't the best at cleaning up after himself. He would live off chef boyardee and taco bell if she didn't encourage him to eat other stuff. He had like 0 credit history, despite being in his late 20s. She had to remind him to do shit around the apartment, including wrapping Xmas gifts for his own family, which he didn't do bc he decided to go fuck off to the firehouse he volunteered at. And there is where the biggest problem was - he was both a paid firefighter and a volunteer one (at 2 diff houses), meaning their schedules never synced up, and on top of which he decided to spend much of his free time dicking around at the volunteer firehouse near her apartment, including staying there all night and not even bothering to send her a text. This happened A LOT. and I know bc I had to fucking hear her complain about her personal problems at work constantly lol.

What also really bothered me was people seemed to treat his blatant disrespect as normal. She'd talk about some stupid shit he'd do, and our boss would be like "oh, he's out in the doghouse again!" Her relatives seemed to have similar reactions. I hated it bc marriage shouldn't be like a fucking sitcom, where the husband is some big dumb idiot who always lands himself "in the doghouse" and the wife jokes about "training him."

Did I also mention his mother coddled the shit out of him? Opened all his mail and was on him about his bank accounts. Did his cooking, cleaning, and I'm sure his laundry. I wonder why he couldn't do things w/o prompting around her apartment??

I used to talk to my mom about this woman a lot. I'd be like idgi, she tells her bf all the time she hates that he's like this. But he just doesn't change. And my mom said why should he? She lets him live like a single guy but who has a girlfriend.

Not once did she thrown his ass out of HER apartment that he lived in rent free, bc he let her go to bed alone, not responding to her texts. No, she MARRIED his ass instead. After he waited until year 4 of the relationship to propose. Even his own mother was wondering what the hell he was waiting for. To his credit, he did stop the hanging out at the firehouse at all hours of the night /sarcastic Archer voice/ hooray! 🙄

So they get married, the next year she sells her apt and they make plans to buy a house. She also wants to get pregnant bc she's almost mid 30s (what's that we say about FDS about not waiting 2+ years for an engagement?). About a year after the marriage, they start living separately. He essentially had some sort of mental breakdown, told her he did something that "couldn't be fixed" and disappeared.

Oh, did I mention he chose to do this like 2 weeks after she sold her apartment, before their house was even bought, while they were living at his parents'?

The guy's father has to go find the husband at the firehouse his paid job was at and basically kidnap him back home so he can tell his wife what tf was going on. WELL. one night, during their one year wedding anniversary month when he claimed to be out w/ friends, he got shit faced drunk and had a one night stand. Says he has had no contact w/ the woman since. But he kept it a secret for months and chose to reveal this again, TWO WEEKS after she sold her place and was now essentially homeless. So she has to move back in with her parents. She says she wants to just be separated from him and take time to process.

A couple weeks later she rushes out of work mad early. WELL turns out one of her family members tipped her off that they heard her husband sought out a divorce lawyer, so she better get one and make the first move. AGAIN, LIKE, TWO WEEKS after they agreed to just be separated.

She seems pretty focused after that, like FUCK this guy. Tbh I was happy he acted out w/ the divorce bc I was afraid if she gave it enough time, she'd forgive him, due to sunk cost and fear of not having enough time to meet a good man and have a family if she left. She buys a new apartment in an expensive neighborhood, notes all the doctors in her building, we crack jokes about how she's gonna meet someone new. i

But unfortunately the story doesnt end there. The husband ghosts HIS ENTIRE FAMILY, she gets a friend request from a weird early 20s looking girl she doesn't know, there are rumors her soon to be ex husband has no money, and the theory is, the weird ig request is the girl he cheated on her with, and that she's been extorting him.

I never got the full story of what happened, I left the place a few months later. But I half overheard her (five feet from me so I wasn't trying to eavesdrop) on the phone saying "it's as bad as you think : abortion, homelessness--" My mom's theory is perhaps the girl lied about an abortion to extort the ex husband. I really hope it was just a lie, but either way, he didn't even come clean to her about the whole situation right away. He waited, then was forced to tell her by his dad, then didn't even tell her the whole story! He claimed he had no contact with the woman since the hook up.

So I leave that job, I get this woman a nice thank you present and say very positive things about how exciting her life is gonna be bc I really believe it. I end up becoming very good friends w/ a former coworker I was only just friendly with when I worked there. He and I hung out 2x last yr: in the early summer the update was she was living her life but had some "final meeting" with the ex. Then we hung out late last year, and several hours in I ask how she's doing. He tells me she's back with the ex.

She didn't officially say anything at work. But he put the pieces together when she all of a sudden started talking about buying a house (after she'd just bought an expensive apartment the prior year post break up). When I say I was disappointed man....i mean the cheating was bad enough, but all the lying? The fact that he wasn't even a catch to start with? (guys he wasn't even good looking!! He looked like a walking stick with a shitty beard!! He wasn't even a firefighter calendar type!!) (who are too polished looking anyway but at lease they are conventionally attractive and could you know, carry your groceries, install your ac, etc, all that men are good for lol. but I digress)

The title of this post came from what one of my besties said when I updated her on the latest, which was: so my former coworker friend updates me on his adventures being a fairly new homeowner, which includes how a one storey house is enough for him "But guess who brags about having a 3 storey house 🙄? Enjoy paying for that upkeep" "enjoy the upkeep of a 3 storey house with a man child who can't clean up after himself and cheats on you when times get tough!"

So moral of the story: don't date a guy whose mother does all domestic labor for him, who comes from a middle/upper middle class background yet has no credit or seemingly much financial intelligence, who doesn't clean up after himself, who can't wrap his own damn family's Xmas presents w/o you badgering him to do it and then eventually helping him do it, and who would live on chef boyardee if you let him. And DONT wait 4 yrs to get married, bc at that point sunk cost and your "clock is ticking" become powerful forces that can trap you with a NVM who stuck his dick in someone else while living in YOUR apartment, while planning to buy a house and have a baby with you.

TL;DR Don't let your self esteem be in a level below hell!