I’m sick of I’m sorry.

As a young women the term of “ I’m sorry” has been engraved into my memory since a young child. I have always found myself consistently apologizing for a range of things from situations that I had no control over to apologizing for doing my job.

I never noticed this to be an issue, it was a phrase that had integrated its way into different narratives of my day and would be used for a number of different situations.

This all began to change when I got my first real job.

My first job was at a political consulting firm in D.C. My boss was a very straight forward women who had been working at the company for a number of years. She was in charge of two different departments and over saw 50 people.

When first starting all of us assists had just been working for the company for a few months. To say that there was a learning curve would be an understatement. Depending on the day I was the assistant for 5 people and over saw and was the assistant for the grassroots organization that interacted with a few million members. I mad a lot of mistakes at first, as most people do in their first job but I was always sure to apologize even if it wasn’t my mistake. At the time I figured that this was the best way to learn and move on.

One day after a dumpster fire of a week she called us all into her office. The three of us sat there knowing that we were going to be reprimanded for the consistent mistakes that were made though out our board week. What she said next really changed the way I viewed the “ I’m sorry “ statement, and quite frankly how I deal with other people.

“ I’m sick of the I’m sorry”. Really? This was the first thought that came across my mind. I was always thought that every mistake you made or inconveniencing another person could be semi repaired with this phrase.

“ I’m sick of the I’m sorry, instead of saying I’m sorry all of the time fix the mistake and do better”

Harsh. At first I thought this was a bit much. For me, saying I’m sorry is apart of taking responsibility and moving on. But what she was really getting at is fixing the mistake rather than taking time to apologize is much more beneficial. This is because actions truly speak louder than words. Her ending note on this conversation was that it’s ok to make mistakes, but taking measures to prevent them carried much more meaning rather than repeating them over.

I didn’t really understand this until I was in my first relationship as an adult. I was dating my boyfriend for a few months, and was had been good friends for a year or so before.

He was typically good at making time for me and spending time together until he got very busy. He is very ambitious and I love this about him. But as he got busier with work the more he would cancel on things.

He was always very apologetic about these instances. He would do his best to try and get together another time and make arrangements. I would always be very understanding and work around his schedule since I was not as busy. Then one day, I finally understand what my boss was trying to explain in our meeting.

He had been working for a week or so straight and we were able to get together for a quick dinner on Friday night. There we talked about wanting to spend more time together and how this would happen after he was finished with this busy season with his career. I told him how I felt like I wasn’t able to spend any time with him etc.

We had this conversation before and the problem only seemed to be getting worse. He told me that we would spend Sunday night together. I was exited considering we haven’t spent the night together in about 2 weeks. Though out the weekend he would text me how much he missed me and that he wanted to spend more time with me. This felt re assuring and I was happy that we were feeling the same way.

That afternoon I texted to confirm and he was a bit vague and said it depends on how his meetings go. Then at 8:30 he canceled on me and wanted to meet up again Tuesday night.

Then the one phrase that I had typically used as my consistent get out of jail free card was put right in front of me. A single text reading “ I’m sorry”

Now I realize that this is not a job, but for the first time I really understand how my boss felt. Instead of fixing the mistake or correcting oneself, the I’m sorry seems to be the serve that puts the ball once again in my court. The I’m sorry of this situation made me feel like I could not be mad, because ya know if you apologize it makes everything semi ok. It’s ok to mess up, but repeatedly making the same mistake over and over again while just saying “ I’m sorry” translates more to a fuck you rather than a genuine apology.

Anyway I would love to hear your opinions on this. So please sound off below.