~ archived since 2018 ~

It's not always relationship baggage

ino_y

November 2, 2019

3198 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

https://i.redd.it/sij27bhrc8w31.jpg

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

PDF TXT EPUB

Support the archive

Everything here was supposed to disappear. Banned subreddits, deleted communities, cancelled blogs — much of what is archived here survives nowhere else.

It stays free — no paywall, no account — for the next man who comes looking, the way it was free for you.

I pay for the servers, the storage and the bandwidth myself. If you want this record still standing in ten years, become one of the people who keeps it online.

Support the archive

Post Information

Title	It's not always relationship baggage
Author	ino_y
Upvotes	3198
Comments	21
Date	November 2, 2019 8:03 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dqh95z/its_not_always_relationship_baggage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/its-not-always-relationship-baggage.689019 https://theredarchive.com/post/689019

Comments

[–]Greconorsk40 points41 points42 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]StephersyasFDS Newbie74 points75 points76 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[+]ino_y 6 years ago [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link

A lot of our (and his) issues could be from childhood traumas.

Emotional neglect, abuse, abandonment. I'll be getting into those over the next few weeks.

[–]modernmedusaaRuthless Strategist36 points37 points38 points 6 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link

Yes!! This is such an important element glad you'll be posting about it. If women don't become self aware/actively work on healing/avoiding patterns of abuse/projection in childhood...then they enter the dating market weak , vulnerable & ready to be devoured by narcissists. Ofc men will prey on strong women anyway- but they have less success to infiltrate them deeply & are slammed down quick before they get a chance for that exploitative dynamic to be set.. levelled up women see the signs/have the esteem to walk. They know there's better options, and worse things than being single! Being single no longer seems dreadful but rather freeing& enjoyable.

When I read these pick me posts where they've been exploited for years, I can just sense there's a lot of unhealed shit they are not aware of there. Perhaps they had an abusive insecure mother that always put them down (due to her own unhappiness with relationships), or grew up with a pick me mother that made poor choices & tolerated lots of abuse in the name of 'struggle love' so they were trained to see men as the prize at all costs. Most of their issues are down to codependency, not enjoying their own solitude, not having a strong sense of self/direction, not having firm boundaries- always letting the dog back in the door. You can tell they had poor role models & are continuing the cycle. Codependency, say from lacking a supportive network & self esteem, will make women tolerate all kinds of shit in the name of 'love'.

What if we did a few posts on different themes such as recovering from/recognising codependency etc?

[–]ino_y30 points31 points32 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

I was going to start at the beginning via book reviews.

Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children - I love this one, it shows what abuse, neglect, overindulgence, conditional care, supportive and assertive care looks like, and how it affects you.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature parents - great to show what emotional immaturity looks like so you can spot it in men and realise they just can't be fixed.
Complex PTSD - childhood abuse, neglect and abandonment has been recognized by the CDC to cause complex trauma, which manifests as most of our current day maladies. I suspect every woman who "keeps finding narcissistic men" is a codependent fawn.
The Human Magnet Syndrome - more in depth and intergenerational reasons for being a narcissist or a people pleaser.
Codependent No More - ayy lmao I should probably read this one. I got distracted by a bunch of youtube videos by a dude who explains everything. He explains why our priorities for healing should be finding healthy girl friends, and not jumping into dating (build friendships over months).

https://www.youtube.com/user/FindingFreedomMedia/videos

[–]modernmedusaaRuthless Strategist8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]EuphoricOnesieHugsFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]modernmedusaaRuthless Strategist3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]EuphoricOnesieHugsFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I work with kids and try not to do the ‘bad parenting’ I’ve hella had to reparent myself. I’ve drastically changed Over the last 5 yrs. right now I’m at the complication portion of it and it’s starting to click instead of ‘ya ya I’ve heard it before but that’s not helping me right now’. It’s helping me now that I’ve dealt with so much other parenting trauma, worked on myself, worked on not blaming my parents (oh she’s still blame worthy but I don’t HATE her for it anymore, I’ve passively accepted we all have problems... however she never chose to work on hers and I still kinda struggle with our current albeit still better better relationship than before but it’s still not as loving as it could be). So much to heal from and try not to project at the same time. Each time you learn something new about yourself or see it in a better light and actually understand it, it’s a whammy to the psyche you have to unravel and wind up nicely to repackage it in your brain.

Edit: additionally, because of all that self worth. This is 100% the meme for me and my mentality. I can’t date a low-value Man unwilling to respect my need for self improvement in my life and in my partners life. I don’t want to live in ruts, I want to get out of them and keep on going.

I also decided to purchase that first book on the list, the grow up one. It will be valuable for my job in an objective point of view as well as personal.

[–]frankie_089FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]EuphoricOnesieHugsFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]frankie_089FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]LaFolie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]rrrrrumpunchFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]modernmedusaaRuthless Strategist14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ino_y8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Inez_HoneyfoxFDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]lollollollol1995FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]_oracle-FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link