Learned my lesson (daddy issues)

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-01-03T20:56:26+00:00

OP-- It's wonderful that you've discovered feminism. I only wish you could have been drawn to it through books alone instead of through horrifying personal trauma. But whatever drew you to it, that passion can bring direction, purpose and intellectual excitement to your life that will not only keep you safer and bring you into contact with safer and better people, it will probably make you live a longer, healthier and richer life in general. So however you came to this awakening, the important thing is that you have.

The first step will be in processing the trauma. You truly had a brush with great evil. That guy could have paid for everything and been hung like a horse (with the help of Viagra) and that wouldn't change the vampire dynamics of a 40-something old coot messing with a teen.

A healthy mature man would never consider it, would only feel saddened, sick or alarmed even if someone much younger aggressively offered themselves. It's the purview of teens-- their God-given right-- to be emotionally unstable. It's rapey of any mature adult to take advantage if it.

All teens partly want to return to infancy because the transition to adult consciousness, particularly adult self consciousness, is painful and kind of sucks. It's only later in life that this self awareness shows real rewards but at first it stinks. I can remember as a tween mourning the loss of that wonderful lack of consciousness that's part of being a little kid, of not caring what I looked like or what people thought of me, just playing all day and seeing the world as magical. I believe it's why teens have such a high risk of substance addiction-- being drunk or stoned offers a brief return to the infantile state of mind-- in clinical terms it's called "infantile deindividuation." It's also why teens are so easily brainwashed-- because of the lure of surrendering their free will to another person to relieve the pressure of that growing adult self-awareness and the burden of responsibility that comes with it.

It's the failure of the education system and the failure of some parents to not provide opportunities to kids to follow pursuits that preserve "childlike joy" in a healthy way. A child who has an intellectual passion-- like playing music, participating in the arts or sports, getting lost in novels or engaging in activism (like Greta Thurnberg, etc.)-- whatever preserves some sense of magic in the world through discipline and fascination-- has a means of keeping the best part of their joyous inner three year old alive for the rest of their lives and also helps to ease the transition to adult awareness. Encouragement in the direction of self development is what any lost and confused teen needs. Any adult who does not recognize this is a sick and dangerous piece if shit.

As an adult and a parent I've developed a sick-fuck radar and don't let people like that near my joyous kids. I'm also educating my kids on the dangers of the world and the signs of sick fuckery in other people so they develop their own radar. This naturally requires a feminist perspective which is just as important for my sons as it is for my daughter. My kids all know about rape culture, pedophilia, human trafficking, etc.,the same way they learn about climate change, political corruption, propaganda, history and the rest. Their response is to make fun of corruption and express this through art, music and writing. My middle son in particular is turning into a social justice warrior. He wants to be an aerospace engineer but one who never works for the war industry (his choice). He loses sleep over things like slave labor and sex trafficking but this drives him to learn about political means of stopping these things and that brings him a sense of fascination. My daughter wants to be an animator and all her humorous themes are about mocking commercial propaganda and gender inequality. My oldest is quieter about it but expresses himself through painting and music composition.

But the one thing that I measure successful parenting by is the kids' ability to generate laughter and joy for themselves even in the face of learning about the uglier realities in life. That will hopefully keep them safer from being exploited by others and falling prey to other pitfalls of transitioning to adulthood like depency on substances and peer pressure. It's also a filter for the kinds of kids they hang out with who tend to have very specialized interests and observational humor about the hypocrisy of the world. They all get drunk on laughter and shared interests.

You're now on that path however you came to that point. I wish you had been guided there by healthy, safe, nurturing adults. But your real life harsh experiences will add strength to your convictions and only increases your value as an eventual role model. You're a combat veteran.

Edits-- typos.

cinnamonketchup · 2021-01-03T18:41:13+00:00

You've still a long way to go before you are done healing sister... Please don't force yourself to list the qualities of the predator who showed you so much abuse and toxicity. Keep yourself safe and stay the hell away from that worthless man and his enabling daughter. Much love and strength💜

Title	Learned my lesson (daddy issues)
Author	petitpoupee
Upvotes	79
Comments	6
Date	January 3, 2021 4:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kpn6as/learned_my_lesson_daddy_issues/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/learned-my-lesson-daddy-issues.360260 https://theredarchive.com/post/360260

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