Marriage isn’t a goal.

2020-01-04T02:51:27+00:00

Before I had any self respect, I dated a guy for 6 years and then he dumped me. It took me forever to get over it but now that I am over it, I’m soooo glad I didn’t marry him.

He never listened to me.

If I ever got upset, he’d gaslight me and call me crazy. He made me believe I was a horrible, toxic person for having normal emotions.

He’d say “go on to bed babe, I’ll do the dishes and take out the trash since you worked hard to cook me a nice dinner.” I’d wake up in the morning to a full trashcan and dishes left soaking in cold dirty water.

His own apartment was so filthy it once made his own mother cry and question where she went wrong in raising him.

He would have made a terrible husband. He gave me a promise ring as a sign of his commitment to spend the rest of his life with me. I’m glad he broke that commitment. It was a blessing in a hell of a disguise but I’m glad I finally appreciate it.

DelicateDream · 2020-01-04T05:46:18+00:00

I agree it’s better to dodge the bullet and not fall prey to the sunk cost fallacy.

But generally if a guy moves in with you without even being engaged it’s because you’re the “for now girl”. It’s about convenience for him. HVM typically try to wife up HVW and the woman is the one putting on the brakes. Doesn’t mean you should rush into marriage or marry at all, but you definitely should be the one picking and recognizing what’s actually best for you. Moving in together and playing house often sends the message that you’re LV and offers few benefits if you’re the “for now girl”.

Now I know HVW who aren’t married to long term partners who seem like HVM. It’s the women’s choice and on their terms. Often the man repeatedly proposes or she agrees to engagement to appease him. They’re not being pickmeishas because they’re the one setting the terms.

nosynobody · 2020-01-04T06:50:30+00:00

Thank you for saying this sis. I am trying to be more independent and have the courage to walk out if i don't feel respected. It's a hard thing to hear especially since all my life I've been indoctrinated to think marriage is the end all.

Desperate-Nectarine · 2020-01-05T04:11:37+00:00

I agree about some of this, but I won’t live together without marriage. The risks aren’t worth it, and I can get to know someone just fine while maintaining separate living spaces.

Title	Marriage isn’t a goal.
Author	azngirl7689
Upvotes	63
Comments	6
Date	January 3, 2020 8:23 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ejl4qf/marriage_isnt_a_goal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/marriage-isnt-a-goal.694669 https://theredarchive.com/post/694669

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