*TRIGGER WARNING****

Years ago, there was a reddit thread where men were talking about their “fake rape” allegations. Then proceeded to describe what was clearly rape or sexual assault. (I couldn’t find it. If anyone can, please link it in the comments) When I was a counselor, any client who caught charges for sexual assault, always explained it away as consensual EVEN WHEN THEY DRUGGED SOMEONE! As someone who has known many rape victims and is a victim as well, I can tell you that rapists do not see their actions as a crime. So if a man ever explains away someone else’s allegations, doubts women, defends their favorite pro athlete who has allegations brought against them, run!

Additionally, since I am on this subject and it’s a hard one for me to bring up, I would like to share some knowledge about rape/sexual assault that isn’t typically depicted in media. 1. You typically know your rapist and it’s not the person you expect. If you expected someone to be a rapist, you probably wouldn’t be around them. 2. Rapists come in all shapes and sizes. But in my personal experience, they have always been privileged cis men who feel entitled to woman’s bodies. That’s how these men can so easily explain it away in their head. Like “of course she wanted it! I’m at the No.1 spot in society’s pecking order” 3. Drugging is way more common than you think it is. They don’t even need illicit substances. There are a few commonly prescribed medications that will do it. You also don’t have to be drinking at a club to be drugged. I literally got drugged at church mixer while drinking soda. 4. Most women don’t get rape kits done because they are in shock and incapable of navigating the system. Sometimes when something traumatic happens, our minds block it out so we can focus one getting to safety. 5. The system is against you more than you think. Rape cases are not only hard to win, but everyone is against you every step of the way. From the male cop who is class conscious and interested in protecting his fellow man. To the female cop who internalized the narrative around rape. From the lab that is stretched thin and prioritizes other things over rape kits. To the jurors and judges who internalized the societal narrative that rape is just bad sex and this evil woman is trying to ruin this man’s life.