This is long but I need to talk to someone about this other than my mom and SO. Holy fuck, here we go guys.

My SIL has been with this dude since high school, and only him. She is extremely dependent on him because he has been there through some traumatic experiences (sexual assault & death of father). She puts him on a pedestal, hand feeds him, and makes up excuses for him throwing a tantrum if she hasn’t done all of the dishes, cleaning, laundry, etc, despite them both working full-time. He threatened to burn the house down when a male-worker said happy birthday, and said that if he was no longer the only dude who had ever fucked my SIL, she’d lose all value to him. He has screamed at her over her messing up HER OWN car (with trash in it) and other verrrry minor things. She does all his paperwork, dr appointments, etc. Shes basically his mom, maid, and secretary.

Aside from this, he admits that he hates women because his mom abandoned him as a baby. He is porn sick and has cheated on her repeatedly since high school. They’ve been together 11 years now.

When they were on the brink of a divorce, he cheated once again, secretly, with a 20 year old (they were both 26-27 at this time). After watching sister wives, he basically convinced her that it might be cool to try. She eventually agrees to try a threesome, and he brings in his side chick while they both put on the show that they haven’t been fucking the entire time (6 months). She thinks she is embarking on this journey of sexual exploration in a safe environment, for the first time, trusting both of them.

This turns into my SIL realizing she is not bisexual. He convinces her to let side piece move in, and she allows it. Her reasoning is that her and him are not friends/are unhappy, and that side piece gives her husband something she can’t. She also says she can’t bear to think of them having sex, but he’d cheat anyway, so at least she “knows” who it is. Both BIL and side piece continue the lie that they weren’t cheating the entire time. My SIL is so dependent that to her, it’s better to keep him around by giving him a concubine because then he’s still “with her.”

To top it off, SIL got pregnant after side piece was introduced (I believe on purpose, to further entrap herself and him/assert control). Side piece joined the military and my BIL left his pregnant wife at home multiple times, including Valentine’s Day, to fly to where side piece is and spend time with her. He also had a mental breakdown when she joined the military, driving hours to visit my SO and I and begging us to take him to a strip club, while repeatedly asking us if either his wife or side piece have reached out to “check on him” for attention.

My SIL’s mom, battling cancer, was put in at-home hospice a month ago and died a week ago. All BIL cared about was that the situation could “scare away” side piece because of the focus being put on his wife/her family/dead mother. Now he’s losing his mind because this side piece is quarantined states away and his marriage might fail because it only works when he can stick his dick in other women.

Anytime I try to discuss this when SIL, she gets extremely defensive of BIL and combative. I asked her if she’d be allowed to have her own side piece to fulfill what BIL can’t, and she said no, and that she doesn’t want to because she “only wants him.” My SO has also talked to her but it always results in her just defending this terrible excuse for a man. On top of all of this, he said that a week off paternity leave was “too much.” He couldn’t wait to get back to work and away from his wife and child.

If any of you guys read this, thank you. I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone, or some weird fucking soap opera.