Rules of engagement?

pumpernick3l · 2019-11-17T07:46:34+00:00

I’ve read that it takes two years to fully know someone. Two years sounds like a reasonable timeline- and remember, while getting his commitment is important, you don’t want to end up rushing into a marriage that’s not healthy for you.

circescircus · 2019-11-17T14:19:37+00:00

I think it's important to let the guy know, very early on, what your expectations and standards are.

Women do the cool chick thing for 2-3+ years, they pressure the guy to marry them, he takes another 2-3 years to do it-- and no surprise, in the end, they are often in unhappy doomed marriages.

You have to uncool, be real, let the guy know what you expect, what you want-- and if he's not the one for you, if it's not going to work out, you can cut your losses early on. So there should be general discussions about engagement, marriage, values, goals etc early in the relationship. I think it's a mistake to bring up engagement only after you've invested your emotions, time and money over the course of years. Not to mention the cost of lost opportunities.

I don't believe in pressuring or coercing men to the alter. The thought of it is insulting to me. He is the one that is going to benefit more from marriage, not me. Why should I have to pressure him? It's women who get shafted in marriage, but our social conditioning is so strong that many of us still want it. We just don't want it to be a TOTAL sh*tshow.

My fiancee proposed at 1.5 years. I didn't coerce him, pressure him or give him any ultimatums-- he completely surprised me with his proposal. I met his family (across country), we went on trips etc 6 months into the relationship.

Before we were engaged, I had an "exit plan" in mind, if he didn't propose by 2 years. I didn't tell him about it-- because to me, the proposal loses it's authenticity if the guy only proposes to you because he's afraid you're going to leave.

Only actions matter-- not words.

*Note on lost opportunities-- My fiancee could have been a narrowly missed lost opportunity. Before I met him, I was dating this guy who treated me decently, but he didn't appreciate me, and I knew that he thought he could do better. Which pissed me off, because he wasn't that great, and even back then, I was already fed up with humoring men's delusions of grandeur/entitlement. I broke things off, and 6 weeks later, I met my fiancee.

So the longer you stay with a guy who doesn't appreciate you, the greater the chance that you will miss another opportunity with someone much much better, who treats you like a queen. This time period can be as little as a few weeks or months.

ScrappleSandwiches · 2019-11-16T22:57:59+00:00

I think if after two years you aren’t planning some kind of future— doesn’t have to be marriage—and spending holidays together and basically being a real couple, it’s time to move on.

dackaroo · 2019-11-16T23:50:29+00:00

It depends on what you want. If he's not willing/doesn't want the same life as you, cut the cord. Obviously you have plenty of time.

For the ring, I will NOT accept natural commercial diamonds because it is an evil industry. I will only accept synthetic or heirloom diamonds.

brainsandb00bs · 2019-11-17T04:00:10+00:00

I do the whole “single to engaged” thing mostly. I’ve had several marriage offers and have been engaged twice already. After seeing someone for a few dates, if he brings the topic up of commitment/relationships/expectations (I never do) I explain to them that I’m not interested in a boyfriend. Any man that wants me to commit to him has to put a ring on my finger first.

And they do, it drives them crazy that I’m open about the fact that I’m going on dates with other men and keeping my options open. It gives them more of an incentive to want to get me off the market within a reasonable amount of time and not waste my time either.

Of the men im seeing regularly right now, three of them really want me to commit to them but are willing to seek it out in the manor I specified when the time is right since I’m not looking to settle down right now. I think 1 year is a safe amount of time to wait, maybe 2 If you’re below the age of 25.

AutoModerator · 2019-11-16T22:16:21+00:00

Reminder that this sub is FEMALE ONLY. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. So if you’ve got an XY, don’t reply. DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!! Please DOWNVOTE and REPORT immediately.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2020-01-19T10:51:07+00:00

Reminder that this sub is FEMALE ONLY. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. So if you’ve got an XY, don’t reply. DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!! Please DOWNVOTE and REPORT immediately.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Rules of engagement?
Author	MoscowMilk
Upvotes	10
Comments	12
Date	November 16, 2019 10:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dxdnck/rules_of_engagement/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/rules-of-engagement.688327 https://theredarchive.com/post/688327

Comments