So today I saw the post on here talking about females in the military and how they face extreme sexism. Women on here who have served, can you give me any advice as I’m shipping out in three weeks.

lvioletsnow · 2020-07-07T05:33:06+00:00

I'm a female officer of color. So, here we go:

Be a bitch.

No, seriously. You're young, attractive, and, in their minds, vulnerable. You need to shut that shit down right away. You don't have to be rude unless needed but wield that attitude like a whip. Don't engage. Don't smile. Don't let them lure you out anywhere. Don't date them. Be feminine on your own time, away from work. They don't need to know you like that.

And for the love of God, again: Don't. Date. Them. Not even in AIT. Not at your Unit. Not on deployment. I have literally never seen this turn out well. At best, they'll be secretly married with kids* or reveal ever detail of your sex life to your platoon and/or company, making you out to be the barracks' mattress. At worst, you'll be assaulted.

Your male leadership is not your friend. Be polite and respectful but do not engage. Quick story, just a few weeks ago I filed UCMJ action against a 34 year old NCO who kept aggressively going after my just-turned 18-year-old private and trying to get her alone. She and I had a talk about that.

(*And they're all married or engaged. I promise you. 100%)

Speaking of assaulted, mind your alcohol at events as well. In fact, if you can, just refuse to even drink at all. Have your wine at home. Be boring; they'll find someone else to pressure. This worked wonders for me in dodging invites. It's much harder to manipulate a sober woman.

Spend time with other females, HV ones. You'll know who they are after a few weeks. Stay away from the flirts, you'll get lumped in with them.

Don't be afraid, per se, but be aware. Just stay away from shady situations and do your time.

Phew. Any specific questions?

Elegant-Stop · 2020-07-06T13:27:29+00:00

Sending you so much love. You are an incredibly brave woman and I’m sorry you had to choose between an abusive family or the military. I hope others will chime in with advice on how to best navigate these new waters.

namwnwjakakwms · 2020-07-06T20:53:06+00:00

Don't get a tech school boyfriend. Don't invite guys to your dorm when you're done with training. Hang out in the common areas instead.

longhorn102083 · 2020-07-06T21:33:40+00:00

While sexual harassment is very pervasive; assault is not. Make good choices in terms of the company you keep, make sure to hang out in groups and common areas. If you want to invite someone of the opposite sex to your room make it clear there will be no sex (unless that’s what you’re going for). If someone from the opposite sex invites you to his room make it clear why you are there or don’t go. Watch out for the older guys with more rank if they seem to be giving you unwanted attention.

There are tons of great people in the military, but it’s the predatory outliers that ruin it for everyone.

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