Hi! I received a handful of messages asking me for tips about my 3 year journey from pickmeville to HVW. Here's what worked:

ACCEPTANCE: I HAD to make peace with my old self. This post explains it well. Ongoing.

JOURNALING: Forced myself to journal AT LEAST once every 2 days. I wrote letters in my journal to people who've hurt me OR who I've hurt. I looked up journaling prompts that helped with recovery, domestic violence, career guidance, stuff like that. It felt cheesy at first but all of it helped me release pent up emotions. It's crazy how much they can really weigh ya down.

HEALTH: FitnessGuideSharing is a good community. I chose two separate 6 week programs and ran 3x a week. Running/walking helps so much. I frequent minimalist baker for healthier recipes. I get dressed in my workout clothes in the morning and just GO! Just go. Don't make excuses. If you will not tolerate excuses from partners, don't tolerate them from yourself.

SLEEP: improving my sleep schedule has changed my life. I have my phone set to automatic Do Not Disturb and bed time mode at 9:30 pm. It allows me set boundaries and get quality sleep. It also helps when dating and not always being available, LOL. IDK, in the States it's cOoL to work late and stay up, be exhausted. Nah. Get quality rest and separate from your device at least 1 hr before bed. I started with 5 minutes and worked my way up to 1 hour. Working my way to 2.

FRIENDS: I journaled about how I felt after leaving interactions with friends, the good and bad. I reflected on how open I want to be with others, what I want to give, who I want to be. Helped a lot in recreating myself to be a better friend, and ultimately, person. I also noted what qualities I didn't appreciate in others and have so much awareness to not repeat them (talking about others, projection, insecurities running rampant). Staying away from toxic people has changed my life. My definition of toxic. Defining that was important!

AFFIRMATIONS: This was hard at first. But I had a turning point when I realized how easy it is to say mean/disparaging things about myself, therefore, I can do the same with positives.

LURKING: Admittingly I still struggle with this. When I feel the urge, I acknowledge it and reroute my attention. I literally DO anything else for 5-10 minutes. I set a timer on my phone and put it down. Pick up a book, stretch, journal, meditate. ANYTHING.

LESS SCREEN TIME: I stopped using my phone so much. I set timers and would engage in an activity until time was up. Just the intention of setting it down has allowed me to get the practice down and to this day be aware of how much time is passing while that god awful thing is in my hand, ha.

WORK: I started looking for professional trainings and told my boss (this helped me remain accountable ;) ) I'm lost in not just my day-to-day but gaining skills, which boosts my confidence.

PRESENTING MYSELF WELL: honestly this a new revelation. I used to be the "no makeup cool girl" and did it for THAT reason only. I realized I want to present myself better to attract high quality people. I live in a city where presentation matters. IDC what people say lol. What I mean by this is effort. Hair, good skin care routine, nails/toe nails presentable (stopped biting my nails), well-fitting clothes. I am still trying to find "my style" but well-fitting clothes has made a difference. I had a shift where I WANTED to make more effort because I started valuing myself more .

LEARNING: new vocab words, the keyboard/piano, how to sew (I love dresses and want to make my own), doodling, and when COVID isn't happening, I love volunteering.

BIRDING: Birding helped immensely during my LOWS (and I still love it ). I recommend reading the genius of birds by Jennifer Ackerman and find your local backyard bird guide. It's a great activity to add to a walk, new learning opportunity, memorization, patience, stillness. It's a great way to pass the time. It also helped improve my listening skills, lol!

HAVING AWKWARD CONVOS WITH MYSELF: being honest with myself. Yes, grace is important and all of that stuff...and so is holding myself accountable. I have bi-weekly check-in's with myself (in my journal) to see how I'm doing. I ask myself what have I done well, what needs work, when did I feel my best/lowest, triggers. All of that sort of stuff. It helps me reflect and move forward with more awareness.

HAVING AWKWARD CONVOS WITH PEOPLE: Communicating with people. Practicing having difficult/awkward conversations is important. Growing apart or realizing you don't have much in common with someone is not fun. Instead of pouring out so much energy, I ask people to reflect. I ask them to explain what they're saying; why would you say something like that; what do you mean by that, etc. I've found calling people out this way is so much easier and less taxing. Referring to friends/family.

**BUDGETING :*\* Personal finance/budgeting/retirement subreddits are worth looking at. I made a plan and I'm sticking with it. Getting all of this in order also is a boost of confidence, control, intention. Something important for a secure future me. Feels good to take care of myself. Understanding loans, mortgage, taxes, retirement, funds, investments, multiple saving options, yadda yadda.

MEDITATION/YOGA: WAS REALLY HARD at first but it works. Yoga with Adriene's YouTube Channel has been SO helpful. I'm actually doing a 30 day challenge right now. There's so many of them.

Defining a HVW and being it. I believe a HVW has hobbies for herself (not to impress others), has interests, strives in her career, goals, passions. A HVW is HEALTHY, eats well, respects her body by being active/taking care of it. Doesn't spend so much energy on things that do not serve her. Cares for others with boundaries* And holds herself accountable. Having my own definition helped. It sounds simple but it wasn't for me. I had to be kind to myself because I grew up in a home where this wasn't present, I saw the opposite in media, etc., etc.

ACCEPTING PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE: not their promise. not their potential. I started looking at people for who they are in the present moment. Not making up stories about being by their side while they're a shitty person because they can "be better." Having/defining my values has helped a lot in choosing the company I keep. I know everyone is different and relationships can flourish across beliefs but I'm talking about values. Recognizing people for who they are is so so important.

KNOWING THE QUALITIES I WANT IN A PARTNER: I'd just let anyone sit at my table and lie to myself that we have shared interests, they'll eventually care about the things that I value/are important to me in life, nah. Didn't work. I've dealt with N/LVMs and they didn't care about shit except themselves or FOREX lmao, and interestingly enough, that's what they all have in common. Men made me believe that they don't care about a woman's interests/ how smart she is, whatever, they just care what she looks like. NO. This may be true for some, but the HVM I want, cares. the HVM I want, dates quality women who care about things, are involved and striving to make a difference. These days when I date I'm very intentional with finding out what matters to the person. How they view others, especially women. The issues they care about blah, blah. How they speak about others: this is extremely telling.

N/LVMS: this took a lot of practice. It took time for me to realize that n/lvm are behaving the way they do because of them. who they are at their core. understanding that shitty people are the way they are is because it's how they want to be/treat you. I used to attribute it to myself and it killed my self-esteem. Don't do this. Realize that people who suck, simply suck. There's no need to try to figure out why or what. I also stopped lying to myself that the next gf is somehow better than me, she changed him...no. I also stopped getting SO excited about men (while dating). I found a happy balance that allows me to enjoy the process but not get so excited about the person. All of this has led me to take things less personally because I know I'm doing what I need to do and if someone switches up or displays shit qualities, see ya.