I mean, we all know long-term drama is bad, right? Sustained high-levels of cortisol mess up our bodies at a DNA level, we are vulnerable to a host of health ailments, our mental health is in tatters. So, like drama - definitely gotta avoid that! Right?

Except...

Here's the thing I didn't know when I left my NVM ex - I didn't know how to stare into the Drama Void. What's a "Drama Void", you ask? Its when nothing is going to shit. Things aren't falling apart or exploding or crisis levels or anything. Things are just... normal.

To be honest, the Drama Void was terrifying. I would do *anything* to avoid the Drama Void - even date NVM very similar to but not the same as my ex. Why would I engage in this unhealthy madness? Because the worst thing in a relationship with a NVM isn't when they're being a total piece of shit - its when you don't know when the next shit tornado is coming.

When you've been with a NVM long enough, you know how the handle the shit-splosion - the chaos and madness they stir up - I had a feeling of being in control. But in those periods of relative calm - after the temper tantrum and clean up, that uneasy feeling would settle again. I did *not* feel safe. My brain was programmed to keep me alive and scanning the environment for the next craziness.

So, after leaving my NVM ex, I kept myself occupied dating other NVM men, taking on crazy projects, never letting myself sit down too long. It kept me internally stretched and not able to relax into myself. My brain was literally telling me I was going to die if I stopped (I can't be too mad at it - it just wants to keep me alive. It was developed back when tigers could eat my face back on the savannah and has never gotten a program update).

One of the blessings of the pandemic is that I've had to learn to be bored. A kind of exposure therapy to the Drama Void. And I see now that I'm safe - I'm safe without drama. My life is better without the drama. Its okay to sit down and do nothing. To just exist.

So, if you feel a sense of terror welling up when you're alone and don't have anything to do, maybe acknowledge it, give it some love and sit with it (if it doesn't overwhelm you). Inoculate yourself against the next NVM that wants to mess with your peace of mind. The Drama Void can be our friend.