I've been spending the last 6 months of my reddit time over at r/NarcissisticAbuse and have recently run into FDS, a natural progression. FDS is the perfect tool for me now and honestly, I've known this stuff my entire life. At 39 my only real partner, the only one I have shared something beautiful with was a female for ten years and it was amazing.

I broke up with her a about 5 yesrs ago, and I genuinely believe it was mistake. Her and her wife are successful and share a beautiful 2 year old daughter - no mistake there, so I can live with it. Still, I went into a tailspin after her and her wife met (on an app no less!) not to soon after we split. I was totally lost. She had been the sole provider as I was raising my daughter and receiving a hefty amount of cs (never hung around to be with the dude, but in many ways he's been a good dad). My kiddo was thriving (she's on a full ride scholarship now!!) in advanced courses, sports, extracurriculars, friends, and a car. Her need for me was severely diminished and I supported that, but as full-time mother I was at a loss. And I lost my partner whom I've never stopped loving. Like real loving. Mostly, I spent the first year after The Break-Up on the sofa watching the Gilmore Girls, drinking wine, and ordering takeout, I became severely depressed.

Long story short I blew through my savings in a couple of years and was an anxious pre-alcoholic mess. I was in a full time complex post traumatic stress response.

Anyhow, I (me who had never entairned LVMs, honestly, not any type VMs-feminist-me), I took 2 sex work. The kid was amazing, but she was definitely expensive and I was one sick puppy In a bizarre twiste of fate, I turned to sex work, I worked a few hours a week and I was able to support her. With the help of libfem I was even able to compartmentalize it, somewhat, for awhile, until I couldn't. I was literally 3 days from checking myself into rehab and I met this dude. Actually we had known each other for a couple of years, but he just kind of came into my view and things went from bad to worse. I lost absolutely everything. Unbeknownst to me, he was a narcissist and was purposefully helping me destroy my life. I lost everything.

About six months ago I figured out what was going on. I'd already left him both emotionally and physically, but we continue(d) to have sex.

So here I am, my kid has traveled the world, is on full ride scholarship, and she doesn't date. I've been in intensive therapy with an incredible dr., who specializes in cptsd and is perfect to me.

Honestly, I began this post to share this link. This is my latest discovery.

https://dufnet.com/how-to-make-a-girl-wet/

I've been so puzzled by the fabulous sex, but it's all there. All that dude did was read some shit on the internet and probably share shit with his shit friends and bang a lot of women. And this doesn't surprise me except I feel so dumb (again!) for just not knowing what was going on. Like duh there's a guide! They talk about getting females drunk to reduce their inhibitions. Dirtbag Criminals.

I'm doing a lot of personal work and I'm really ready to grow so I'm happy to add this to my arsenal of knowledge and hopefully, permanentlystop sleeping with this monster.

So I guess this is my introduction. Hi guys, thanks for having me! I am truly grateful.