I have been working through a lot of my emotional patterns over the past year or so. This is basic cognitive behavioral therapy, but you really need to understand your thoughts and especially your default patterns. One default I had from my childhood trauma (and of course the simple trauma of being a women) was to constantly put myself down. I lacked self confidence. As a result, a typical pick me behavior I developed was to seek external validation, such as approval, and more importantly: avoid disapproval at all cost. This made me exhibit a couple patterns:

Conflict avoidance

Overly nice

Fearful

Accept poor behavior from others

I had to get some distance from key people in my life, including my own family, to achieve a more objective view of my own needs and personal boundaries. This was a really helpful process even though difficult at times.

I just want to encourage anyone that is feeling this way to keep working at your own self-confidence. You really need to trust yourself and your decisions. It's better to make a mistake than to live in fear that you might say or do the wrong thing. If you can't shine, defend & love yourself as you are, then you really arent' existing in your identity! Whatever you do or say throughout the day, even something as simple as what you say in a meeting at work, do it with self-love, self-belief. Don't reflect later, or question your own words. Be proud of yourself and be strong! You DO NOT need approval from anyone.