I heard this advice from Deborrah Cooper a few years back - she has so much content that I'll never be able to reference it back to the specific video but I wanted to share this advice here.

We talk a lot about qualities that are non-negotiable in a potential mate - good job, financially stable, has his own car/home, kind, caring, etc etc etc. But then we get posts from women who feel like a guy checks all the right boxes and is great on paper but something is just not exactly clicking and they don't know how to proceed.

Deb's advice is to avoid this kind of confusion and not waste your time on a seemingly perfect man that just isn't right for you is have a checklist of how you want to FEEL in the relationship, not just qualities you want in a partner.

Some examples:

  • I want to feel deeply attracted to my partner and feel attractive to him as well (just cause he's 6'4 and has a chiseled jaw doesn't mean you'll actually find him attractive! Or you might sense that he feels lukewarmly toward you)
  • I want to feel like he wants to impress me and like he prioritizes me (just cause he takes you to nice restaurants doesn't mean the desire to impress you is truly there!)
  • I want to feel financially secure and taken care of (just cause he HAS the money doesn't mean he's gonna make you feel this way! He could be a gambler or just not very generous)
  • I want to feel proud of what he does (just cause he has a high-paying job doesn't mean you'll find it interesting or beneficial to humanity etc i.e. I could never date a stockbroker)
  • I want to feel joyful/carefree/excited/entertained/intellectually challenged etc etc etc in this relationship

What is your feelings checklist?