Crosspost "As if" from /r/MensLib:

This post talks about a rather severe scenario and the surrounding views, but I believe these same biases affect the treatment of men more generally, and so this is part of a broad problem.

Sometimes I see sentiments conveyed, either explicitly or implicitly, that I [a man] don’t have much to worry about from street violence or the like. Sometimes it’s a general discussion of men, sometimes it’s a small discussion with friends, and so pertains to me specifically. Either way, the idea is that, as a man, I could just fight off attackers or something. These views always bother me, because they thrust upon me the role of the strong stoic man, who can fend for himself without any support, and who is familiar with violence.

 

  • As if I could bring myself to commit violence, even in defense (I don't want to find that out).

  • As if I wouldn’t freeze up when threatened.

  • As if I’m not every bit as afraid for my life in a dangerous situation.

  • As if my body isn’t every bit as vulnerable to fists, knives, and guns.

  • As if men aren’t the predominant victims of violent crime.

  • As if a bystander would come to my aid as often as they might for a woman.

  • As if I haven't been stalked, assaulted, and raped.

 

I have no problems admitting that I can be weak in this context. Well, I’m probably an average strength man, but I am definitely not a confident fighter. That role should not be painted in broad strokes over the vulnerable walk of life of almost all people, men and women alike. Being afraid of violence is not cowardice in a man, it is typical of being human. I wish society would allow for men more empathy, which is often incongruous with the brutish framing we are often seen through.

Addressing the common views I showcased here usually leads to dismissal as a technicality: "OK yes you can be assaulted / raped / etc., but come on, that's not a real issue you have to worry about,"(surely none of that has happened to you...)"

Posted by DiamondGP | 19 September 2020 | Link