How do I stop caring about romance?

MadPreacher1AD · 2018-07-15T02:50:46+00:00

Stop looking for external validation. You're not a woman or a dog.

Love you for who you are and work on the things you can change. Nobody will love you like you can love you.

Best advice is to think about all the men going through the family courts and being ground up to a pulp. Imagine yourself in their place. Doesn't look so grand now does it? Add in the unfaithfulness and STDs that a woman has to the mix. Does that look attractive to you? What about being accused of rape or that she's pregnant with some other dude's baby but is accusing you of being the father? Still want to get involved with a woman?

strongandhappy · 2018-07-15T02:23:09+00:00

First, love yourself. Examine your personal ideals and work towards them. Don't let anyone else define your value. Second, care about something else. This goes well with the first. Develop a passion that doesn't need anyone else. The more you care about that, the less time you'll have to care about romance.

DangZagnut · 2018-07-15T02:19:17+00:00

Women care about social standing and hypergamous.

You're nothing.

Stop believing Disney movies.

Grow up.

EmaDaCuz · 2018-07-15T10:08:41+00:00

If you want to be romantic and caring, do go help old people. Forget about romance with a woman. It is just not worthy, it only breaks your heart even more.

I had some very good long relationships in the past, but the last one was an eye-opener. I started off as a strong man, I was indifferent to her compliments, treat her well without spoiling her... all well until I started to get more romantic, to think about family and so on. We bought a family car, we bought a house, and she dumped me after 8 years because I was not the strong man I used to be.

So, realise that romance is not a thing. You can be kind, you can be a gentleman, but forget about romance. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you can fully commit to going your own way.

Endlesscube23 · 2018-07-15T03:22:47+00:00

The more you see women for what they truly are, the less you desire romance. All in due time.

anongogogo · 2018-07-15T02:41:33+00:00

Start building up muscles become Tyrone.

Tsukuyomi_H · 2018-07-15T03:00:53+00:00

Monthly injection of antipsychotics will take all those feelings away. Its great to not be able to feel any sadness, high moods, yearning, anger, etc. Just peace.

Koshea69 · 2018-07-15T03:12:58+00:00

Sit down with excel or a piece of paper and come up with your budget for the month. Then as soon as your done cut your income in half and redo your budget. Just a little mental excercise to remind you.

Then come up with a plan for what you are wanting to do for a week and enjoy your free time with. Then immediately afterwords do it again but cut out at least 30 hours from how much you now have available. Better make it at least 40 if you can't help but be attracted to "clingy".

And above all else really truly wholeheartedly learn to love yourself, be ok with who you are as a person, not like the cheesy romantic movies say "you complete me" and all that bullshit. Be a whole person in and of yourself and really only then can you think logically enough to make a decision about what's best for you.

maggot_brain79 · 2018-07-15T05:12:54+00:00

In these moments of difficulty, find strength in any way that you can. Cultivate inner strength. Jump out of your comfort zone. Don't get stuck in a rut and don't be placated easily. I'm not going to lie to you, it will not be easy. Many times, it'll be exceedingly hard. Tough. It may even be the hardest thing you've ever done. But it's necessary. With enough personal growth, you will cultivate inner strength. With inner strength, you'll gain confidence, self-love and self-respect. These are all building blocks to becoming content with the state of your life. Maybe your life isn't perfect but you're working toward making it better. That's where I'm at. Find that fire within you any way that you can. Hit the gym if you like. Embrace new hobbies or rediscover new ones. Stay busy. Always be doin' something. If you can't do a lot, do a little. Try to always have something on the horizon or some iron in the fire, some prospect that gives you hope. Go for a long road trip. Embrace religion if that's your thing, or philosophy and classical wisdom if it isn't, or do all three if you like. Study, expand your knowledge. Broaden your horizons in every way. Try to get out there socially a little bit more. I don't mean go out and try to be Mr. Popular. Link up with some old friends or acquaintances, meet some new people. I've never met a single person on this planet that I couldn't learn something from. Even if they're dumb as a box of rocks and I'm learning only from their failures, I'm still learning. I know it might be hard but just try to get out there a bit. A circle of friends can really change your life. Or if you don't feel up to that, contact some family you haven't spoken to in a while. But never hesitate to burn bridges if you're being treated like shit. Walk away with your head held high. Forget about rejection. Forget about romance. Let that shit fuel you. All of that rejection, all the times you've been ignored, interrupted, outcasted or ostracized. Use it as fuel. Make your motivation to prove all of those fuckin' morons wrong. They think you can't make it? Well, fuck them. They think you aren't good enough? Fuck them. They think they're better? Fuck them. Prove them wrong. Start writing a journal, maybe. You'll be able to identify then what triggers these thoughts in your head. Think of thoughts just like clouds. You can either look up at the sky, focus on the clouds and make things out of them, imagine they are something else, or you can just let them drift on by without a second-thought. Look into Stoicism, there are links in the sidebar. Plus, if you get an idea or some notion? Write it down. You just want to vent? Write it down. It can help structure your life and your thoughts.

And if you cultivate that inner strength, that self love, that confidence, that self-respect, you won't need romance. You won't need what they call love. You won't need a woman. Don't get me wrong, you can keep your eyes and your options open. MGTOW isn't the way for everybody, after all, but I think it's a crucial part of masculinity. It helps you a lot. But the point is, you won't NEED that if you're content with yourself. All of your validation and love will come from within. You won't need it, you might still want it, but it won't be out of desperation or some notion of filling a void hitherto unfilled in your life. Your life will be full of works, things, people, places and activities that you enjoy. Hell, after that, you might even find that you don't even have time for a woman, your life will be so full. And you won't have time to agonize over it, stew in it, stagnate or wallow in it, either. You know what you are worth when you have that self-respect. You won't let anybody, after that, woman or man or inbetween, treat you like garbage. Because you deserve better and you don't have to put up with the bullshit.

You have to be strong in the shadows. It's not an easy road but it's a road worth traveling. Try not to care what people think of you. Ultimately we tend to obsess over what others might think, say or do in response to us. Really, they probably don't think much of it and if they do, it's short-lived. Don't worry about them. Worry about you. Focus on you. Do your thing and stop giving a shit what anybody else might think of you. Avoid attaching your self-worth and self-confidence to other people's words or opinions of you. Fuck them. Are they anyone to judge you? Nope. Trust me, I've been down the road you're going down and I lived it. I was awkward, desperate for any kind of attention or affection I could get, I was still living in the fantasy of 'romance' and 'love' and all of that feel-good nonsense. It didn't do anything good for me. I ended up in a hell of my own creation for a little over a year and had to start back from square fuckin' one after everything was said and done. Got my heart ripped out, suffered illness and addiction, went into poverty and near homelessness, I've lost jobs and friends and entire months of my life that I can never get back. Don't do that to yourself. You're worth more than that. I was too, only I didn't realize it until much later.

Good luck and God Bless.

OldRoad · 2018-07-15T05:17:33+00:00

I'll tell you what helped me go MGTOW:

I spent fifteen years (a lot of my twenties and thirties), trying and mostly failing at dating. I finally got the only serious romantic relationship that I ever had. It was great at first, but it wasn't long before problems started appearing, and the whole thing was falling apart by the time of the break-up. I could go into great detail about all the problems -- there were a lot of them -- but most of the problems were not all that unusual. I thought they were unusual, but then I read this MGTOW group, and now I don't think that a lot of the problems were all that rare.

After that relationship, I went right back to the dating world. It was just as big of a waste of time as before, and maybe a lot more so.

I gradually lost interest in any serious effort at dating, because it's easy to lose interest when there doesn't appear to be much reward.

At some point, I heard about MGTOW and started reading this group and related material, and it explained my dating experiences so well. I finally had some theory about why I wasn't successful at dating, and it really was all there in front of my eyes. Guys just don't want to believe that women mainly just seem to be interested in guys that are really physically good-looking to them. If you can't get yourself to that level, why even bother? And even if you do get to that level, just read the stories on here about guys who were able to date easily. It's just a mess, and so often seems like a lose-lose situation.

So, to answer your question, it's really very simple. You need to be patient, allow time to pass, and keep reading this group. I also believe that the need to date decreases a lot as a guy goes through his thirties. While going MGTOW, take all that time and effort and so on that you would have spent on dating, and put it toward what you want out of life FOR YOU. One other thing: Be the best person you can be, and build that confidence in who you are. I think this is one of the big advantages of MGTOW. Let me put it this way: When I failed at dating, I felt like a loser. Even thought I have many skills and achievements, not being a success at dating seemed to cancel out all those great things about me, in my own mind.

As soon as you realize how unfair dating is, how it's so much about things that a person has no control over regarding their appearance, and even for the things they can control, they may have a limit to how much they can improve; or the amount of work that they have to put into their appearance, to succeed at dating, is really too much to ask. Or, as so many guys find out, when they succeed in getting a serious romantic relationship, then later on, they wish that they had never tried.

So you think about all that, and you may realize how little all that stuff means. What actually matters is the non-dating stuff, like knowledge, skills, personality, responsibility, and so on. So work on things like career, and your own interests that make you happy, and I think you'll build confidence in yourself, because these valuable things that you can improve about yourself, are actually the REAL things to be proud of.

Good luck!

smacthyhart · 2018-07-16T01:04:53+00:00

Realize that women know exactly what makes black people angry and they use those tactics all the time. For no reason other than hate, anger, insecurity, and securing a white guy.

ZekeTheOctopus · 2018-07-18T04:14:39+00:00

Dude, I was raped/molested/abused by my radfem blue pill mother and I still enjoy romantic feelings. I just don't base my life around them. When people cut me off in traffic, I feel angry. I just don't base my actions around it.

Think of it like this, think of your emotions like the weather. Sometimes it's rainy, sometimes it's sunny. Pretend you're a farmer. The weather is important to farmers. Your emotions are important to you. Sometimes you need to act because of your emotions. Sometimes the weather's right and you need to plant or harvest. Sometimes the weather is shit and you need to work regardless of the weather. Sometimes the weather is amazing and you need to work regardless of the weather.

And sometimes when you've done the work you need to do, to acomplish what you want, to reap the harvest you want to reap, you can enjoy the harvest regardless of the weather.

But fighting the weather is absolutely pointless. Making excuses because of the weather is stupid. I hate motherfuckers that say they hate camping because bugs/weather/sweat. The point of camping is having fun despite the hardship. Its choosing to install some hardship in your life so you can enjoy overcoming it, or enjoy the adventure of it.

Stop making excuses about your race, background or upbringing. Thats all historical weather. What's important is where you're at right now and where you want to go.

Falling in love is easy. It's a cheap high. But building character and true friendships. That's a challenge. And when you have that, people will flock to you. But you don't build the character and friendships TO GET people to flock to you, that's a con. You do it for the sake of having character and real friendship. You don't give to get, you give to give. Giving to get is what child molestors do. Having people flock to you can actually be incredibly annoying, but it's a by=product of being a man of integrity.

I highly recommend reading the biography of Col John Boyd by Robert Coram. He trained fighter pilots and he would always sit his officers down at some point and have this talk with them. He would tell them that there comes a point in every officer's career where they have to make a decision he called 'be or do.'

He explained there were the officers that were trying to 'be' a somebody. They didn't go to school to learn, they went to school to get a degree so they could 'be' somebody. They didn't join the military to serve, they joined to 'be' a somebody. They thought that wearing a uniform, having a piece of paper, makes them a somebody. They think the wife, or the car, or the promotion or the house, or the medals, or the rank make them a somebody. They seek external validation because they are empty on the inside and they are trying to fill that bottomless pit where a soul belongs.

Then there's the officers who want to do something. They found purpose in their life. They want to accomplish something, something that comes from within, something they can't always put their finger on, something calling them, pulling them, pushing them. They'll go to any length to accomplish their mission. They'll take on any hardship, suffer any indignity, conquer any opponent, pay any price and pay they will. It will cost you to take this road. You will be asked to compromise your integrity, people will attempt to tear you down, bribe you, ensnare you, even kill you because honest men always represent destruction to dishonest people. People will abuse their power because you threaten to expose the fraud and hollow emptiness of the try-hards trying to 'be' a somebody. You threaten to bring down their whole life. But at the end of it, you'll have your soul and your accomplishments and they'll have rusted medals, moldering uniforms and faded pieces of paper.

You already are somebody. Stop trying to be somebody else and go do something magnificent.

Read John Boyd and his philosophy. Read the poems of Ikkyu and study his life. Read and contemplate the book of 5 Rings and study Mushashi. Demand to know the destiny that lives inside you and then go do it.

Title	How do I stop caring about romance?
Author	SwixSwax
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	July 15, 2018 1:23 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/8yy5kk/how_do_i_stop_caring_about_romance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/how-do-i-stop-caring-about-romance.525690 https://theredarchive.com/post/525690

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