Haven’t dated since last year in the Summer. Got out of a 2 year LTR with a woman (I’m 29 now she’s 25). I don’t want to label her as BPD but she showed some of the signs. Love bombing me hard throughout. Promising a future, etc. The last few weeks of the relationship she changed on a dime though. I could sense the end was probably near even though everything up to that point in the relationship was decent. The way she looked at me those last few weeks were nothing of the woman I knew the previous couple years. Stone coldness in her eyes.

It hurt. And she broke up with me. I tried to still make it work like a total fool. Sent one too many msgs trying to repair things. I know. Like a fool. I was not thinking logically at the time.

The sad part is...

I still miss her a lot of the times. Even after she treated me cold at the end of the relationship. Even after I tried making things work. I put in so much effort in the relationship. And even after she started going cold... I tried even harder... which did absolutely zero. Just pushed her away further. (even though at that point she was already out the exit)

I believe she’s been through one BF and might be dating someone new now. I’ve been pretty strict MGTOW since last Summer. Some days and weeks are good, but nights like tonight are eating me alive. I’m having a real hard time forgetting about this woman.

I’ve picked up hobbies (reading, hiking, drawing more, games) but I still think of her and how wonderful she treated me at the beginning of the relationship and all the things she told me (how I was the best thing to happen to her), etc. I went for a jog tonight to hopefully help clear my mind.

I just at this point wish I could hit the “erase” button in my mind at this point and clear away memories of her and I.

She could give two shits about me and here I am a year later still missing her. It’s a cold feeling.

I realize this may not be a 100% MGTOW post, but these women can be lethal if you allow them to be and I allowed this woman to be to me because I let my guard way down when we went out. This post is more of just a rant because I read this sub everyday. I needed an outlet tonight.

It’s a sickening feeling in my gut tonight. And I absolutely hate myself for still feeling how I do tonight.