Married man seeking advice

T0000009 · 2016-03-08T03:49:59+00:00

Well... suck it up buttercup!

You're already hitched. From what you've described it doesn't sound like she's anywhere NEAR the worst woman in the world.

--

Yeah maybe you shouldn't have married... but you DID. You did in fact make a commitment to her.

Now if she hasn't done anything to nullify that -- and from what you're saying she hasn't -- then you would be a bit of an ASS to just toss it away because the "polish" is gone off the apple.

What you've lost wasn't "all feeling for your wife" -- it's just that the infatuation & early "thrills" have disappeared (i.e. the proverbial "honeymoon" period is over) -- and apparently you weren't prepared for that (though you damned well should have been), but instead rather foolishly you seem to have either given that no thought at all, or believe they were gonna go on (effortlessly) forever.

--

Yeah you COULD ditch her. She'll get over you and move on -- one way or another -- although without cause, well she would (IMO) rightfully want to extract a few pounds of flesh in the meantime. Oh, and yeah, you almost certainly WOULD eventually regret that. (You might be able to "justify" it to yourself that the change which she would undoubtedly go through would have happened eventually anyway -- and that thus it was an indicator of future problems -- but really that'd be a lie, because you would have created the "wounded bear" yourself... and for no reason.)

ALTERNATELY, you could quit being a "whiny little boy who's grown bored with last Christmas's toy" -- and realize that now is when the true relationship can begin to be developed -- but that it will take work (like everything else in the adult world).

--

Your choice really; don't try to shift responsibility for making it off onto someone else.

squidracer · 2016-03-08T03:20:41+00:00

The common advice here is to not get married, but your already married. May as well ride it out unless it starts to actually suck.

What happens if you get lonely and decide you can't do mgtow and start dating again? Lots of single moms to choose from

rollhax · 2016-03-08T03:58:30+00:00

You should consider asking this question on /r/marriedredpill (in addition to reading the sidebar).

Still attracted to your wife? Any real problems in the marriage, or just bored? Does your wife work/have marketable skills?

Attraction can't be negotiated. Somebody either is or isn't attracted to another person, and attraction goes beyond the physical.

Personally, having been married/divorced (and my ex attempted, and failed miserably, to divorce/child support rape me), I advise GTFO while you can. But, I'm a bitter asshole and, seriously, this is a decision you need to make for yourself.

I think you're in an okay spot regardless of your choice. With what little you've told us, she seems like an alright broad. If you decide to split. Many states don't automatically throw in alimony for short-term marriages (<5 years) (yes, there are always exceptions), so assuming your wife isn't a stay-at-home-wife and is able to work/has marketable skills, you may get off with just a division of assets, or a short-term small amount (e.g. in my case, married 5 years, I agreed to pay her $250 a month for 12 months).

Beware your wife trying to trap you with a baby if she suspects something is up. You read TRP, as you said, so I'm sure you're aware of the prevalence of that shit.

EDIT: removed extranneous shit.

2016-03-08T04:52:26+00:00

We don't have any kids, we do have a small starter house that I don't really give a damn about, and we have a dog.

Well damn dude, I'd say you're pretty good to go on the divorce. Seems like you could make a really clean break. If that's what you want to do, then drain your accounts, and get shit figured out.

All other things aside, seems things are going well. I wouldn't worry about the non-communication and all that, it's normal. She's going to wonder what's up though. Also 10-15 texts a day is still a lot all things considered. How about ask her to text you some nudes.

FanofLemmy · 2016-03-08T07:21:56+00:00

Does she not give you the tingles anymore? You sound just like a women. Literally. You decided to get married, now you have to deal with it. FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT WORK!!!

Marriage is not a game, it's a commitment you made,
"until death do you part " and neither of you are dead, are you? Unless there's infidelity or abuse, I see no reason for a marriage to end in divorce. Tired of hearing people get divorced for stupid shit like not feeling the " flame" anymore.

Passion dies, bro. You have to find a way to reignite it, and keep the fire going. Just because the flames aren't 10 feet high doesn't mean the fire is out.

Talk to your wife, explain how you're feeling and if you really love her, make sure she knows, and make sure you know that she loves you.

The best advice I've ever heard about marriage is from the move "end of watch" where Michael Pena says to Jake gylenhal, and I'm paraphrasing,

"Can you live without her? Because if you can, dump her and forget about here right away. If you can't, then you know she's the one. "

But you also can't keep her on the side and give her false hope because you don't want to be with her, but want her around. Marriage, like equality of both genders, is a two way street. Give and take. Not take, take, take, feel shitty so use the other person for now until I don't want to anymore.

MaestroLogical · 2016-03-08T09:16:04+00:00

You will regret it and how! I say 'will' because truth is, you've already made up your mind and are simply looking for validation.

You won't find validation here. Not from what you've described as your life anyways. If you want to walk away from a perfectly decent relationship because you're restless you need to really examine why.

Are you feeling this way due to conditioning? Society wants hedonism and primes us for that path. Routine = Abuse is the mantra for women these days, you may be absorbing that conditioning yourself.

Are you stuck in some mid-life meta crisis where everything you thought you wanted now seems foreign? That shit will pass, don't act foolishly before it does!

When you made those vows to her was it conditional upon your explicit happiness? Did the thought 'If she doesn't keep me stimulated then I'm out' cross your mind?

In other words. suck it up buttercup!

hcollins88 · 2016-03-08T07:31:33+00:00

you can get out dude...i have a friend in a similar situation who saw a lawyer..and she couldnt take anything...you have no kids...dont have any with her unless you know you want to stick around till they are grown....if the house was yours before you met her it is still yours...if you bought it during the marriage its a little more risky

Adaranoy · 2016-03-08T08:52:59+00:00

'I'm in the middle of the minefield but now I'm afraid I might step on one.' Never mind the fact that your decision to run across it was unwise to begin with. Now you can't turn back carefree either. If you were expecting us to not only advice but also help justify you getting a divorce, think again pussy. You talk to your wife and sort this shit out between yourselves including the option of getting a no fault divorce.

gainsQuest · 2016-03-08T18:35:20+00:00

Please change the your gender and repost in /r/TwoXChromosomes/ I would be interested in the kind of advice you get there.

blehblehaccount · 2016-03-09T02:04:17+00:00

Man, I love this Sub-Reddit.

Dude, you made a commitment. Unless your missus is horrible. Honor it.

If you need to get some excitement, do a sport with some danger, fuck a hooker on a business trip (Wear protection...etc..), Go hunting...

Find a hobby which is yours and get some 'me' time.

But dude, if ya missus is letting you go to work for months on end and doesn't get all butt hurt... she ain't too bad.

ryeshoes · 2016-03-08T06:42:04+00:00

I'd say to divorce her and never get married but often such expressions get confused with bitterness.

So you ask yourself this: how do you see the relationship going? Five, ten years from now. What if you got her pregnant?? How are things going to change?

Look at your friends who are in your situation but have years of experience. Are they honestly happy? Have they said, even in a moment of weakness, how they really feel? That could be you! Buy today!

In my mind, if the property is okay to be split, look into a clean break. You'll surprisingly feel better. More abstractly, you want to cut her off - if you blindside her with the divorce, it's in your favor

Toiletsareforbabies · 2016-03-09T00:24:07+00:00

Fill your bowl to the brim

and it will spill.

Keep sharpening your knife

and it will blunt.

Chase after money and security

and your heart will never unclench.

Care about people's approval

and you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.

The only path to serenity

Title	Married man seeking advice
Author	choose4username
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	March 8, 2016 2:56 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/49gcy5/married_man_seeking_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/married-man-seeking-advice.637663 https://theredarchive.com/post/637663

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