Hey guys. I need to confess to you, or vent, or something. I don't know, I just need to get it out of my head, or I'll get insane. I feel so pathetic.

I'm 34 and I discovered the redpill after my last breakup 5 years ago. Then I found the mgtow philosophy and it's been for over three years now. I can say it is simply the best thing that ever happened to me. I always knew there is something wrong with men/women dynamics. Now with mgtow, everything makes complete sense and it brought peace to my soul.

I'm tall, fit and definitely not ugly, so I have never had problems to get attractive women and I have to constantly turn them away when I am in the bar, or club with bros. etc. I'm monk for two years. I'm really happy with my life now. I own a nice apartment, nice car, make a good money and have hobbies, and many of this thanks to you bros.

But of course there is a but, and the but is a woman.

Long cliche story short, I met her at work short after I started to go monk. Despite all the imaginable redflags in existance I thought she was different (insert huge facepalm here).I have very strong tendencies to describe to you why I thought she was different, but fuck it. I really fell for her and I can say she was very into me too. I ended up being her emotional tampon and so I ended it with "Call me when you'll stop playing your games that I have no time for", or something like that.

Two months later she messaged me that she "can't get me out of her head and she wasn't ready then", so I gave her second chance, which ultimately led to nowhere again. We even did't get a fucking coffee all this time (holy f shit), because there was always something in the way. This time I ended it in kind of "nice guyish" nasty way, which I'm very ashamed of to this day, but I couldn't stand her bullshit anymore at that moment. I later apologized to her. She send me smiley face paragraf about how it's all ok, she was glad she met me and to take care (and if we ever happend to end up in the (name of the bar) again in future, we can have a shot of booze and talk). That was our last conversation. Over a year ago.

My problem is obvious. I can't take that bitch out of my head. We were kind of co-workers, before she got the position in another branch within the same company. I still need to see her from time to time (like once every two weeks) as we still cooperate in some little matters. Whenever I see her face it just shatters me inside. I hate my self for it. I'm so fucking pathetic. So irrational. I'm surrounded by as beautiful women as her, who throw themselves at me and the only one I can think about is her. I considered to leave the company, so I would never see her again. That would help, but I'd lost four years of building my career in that company. These are my insane thoughts. I wake up, I think of her, I go sleep, I think of her. I absolutely don't know what to do. Such a beta thinking omg. I know you guys cringe too hard, and trust me, I do too. I'm such a loser.

Maybe I should brake my monk mode to fuck some sluts and maybe get her out of my head this way, but I know it won't help. Sex isn't special for me anymore. It's like trying to forget her by eating the chocolate bar.

Look guys, fellas, brothers. If you red it up until this point, I'm very grateful. I just needed to get it out of me and I'm pretty drunk and all of this must sound like pathetic gibberish.

Fucking oneities, man. I hate it. How is it fucking possible to have it with all this rational knowledge. I can't believe how awesome my life would be without this little detail.