I believe all 3 of these are important first steps towards me having a more fulfilling life. The first one, the online dating thing, is probably most relevant to this sub. For years I had my mind set on the idea that if I could just find a girl to share my life with I'd be happy.

Yeah that's not how it works. This past year I probably had the most "success" with women that I've ever had in my life. I'd say I'm about a 6 or 7 if we're ranking attractiveness. In the past year I've been with 5 different women, but the thing is they were like 3's and 4's. Really didn't find them attractive and was only doing it out of desperation. This was also a big part of the reason I was having a problem with drinking. I'd have to get drunk as fuck to even want to sleep with these girls. Pretty sad existence I was leading to be honest.

One girl was literally like a 2. I'm talking like ridiculously obese, no personality, weird looking face, only reason I wouldn't call her a 1 is because she at least had a job. I had pretty much given up at that point and just went along with it just to have somebody to have sex with. Went on for about 3 months. Then get this. She ghosts me! Are you kidding me? Obviously she thought she could find something better, but this is one of the most unattractive girls I've ever seen in my life and she was absolutely out of her mind thinking she'd find another guy that was willing to have sex with her, even though I was shit faced drunk every time.

And wouldn't you know it, a month later she texts me and is all like "hey sorry about that" and wants to talk again. Yeah ok, she tested the waters and realized there was nothing out there for her so she thinks I'm just gonna be ok with it. Nope, never bothered to try and see her again.

So then there was one more girl after that, this girl was close to a 6. I thought we had a good connection, I legitimately liked her and could see it going somewhere long-term.

End up having sex with her about a week ago. Everything seemed good, thought we were both into each other. Next day she tells me she just wants to sleep around and see what's out there, which I will say props to her for actually being honest but I was still like you gotta be fucking kidding me.

Past week went back to my usual routine of swiping left or right on dating profiles. I occasionally see TRP posts pop up on my feed and don't always buy into it, but this time I saw one about how women won't fix anything and it just hit me. It is a total waste of goddamn time. I should be improving myself, going to the gym, learning skills that will earn me more money, not be getting hammered while swiping dating profiles.

So yeah. Here I am, nearing the end my first day without my usual vices. I know the next couple days might suck ass as I try to get over the physical withdrawal and try to figure out a new routine, but I think it's a good first step.