Can definitely relate

Sid_Insidious · 2020-02-21T17:37:09+00:00

I don't like the 80's "nose to the grindstone" and "keep trying - only losers quit" bullshit slogans. They took down those pedantic arrogant motivation posters for good reason - they bred contempt.

In my marriage, I tried to save it doing the "nose to the grindstone" approach. It FELT like I was trying to tunnel through a mountain... with a plastic shovel and pail. In a way, I'm glad my wife ended it - because wearing out 10 plastic shovels and then your fingers and then hands and then forearms - for what? Red splotches of failure and frustration on the mountain-face. Sometimes relationships just get to a "will never get anywhere" irreparable state.

I have a different mindset now about life, work and relationships.

I want things, you want things. Let's aim for a win win situation.
I am accountable and you are accountable.
I need certain resources from you to get done what you want me to do.
If you tie my hands and feet and yell "SWIM BOY!!" you might not like the outcome.
If your expectations swell, or are unreasonable, you might not like the outcome.

Here is what I DO NOW when dealing with other people.

I do what I say I am going to do. You need to as well.
Don't expect me to fix other people's problems that are not mine to solve.
I will fix other people's problems only after negotiating the terms.
All ongoing relationships are subject to analysis.

If the relationship continues to be a win win - even with substantial effort, I might continue.If the relationship is a continual and ongoing shit sandwich, and not a win win, I will walk. Often people not keeping up their end of the bargain will be quick to remind you about the commitment you made. Be sure to remind them that commitments come with terms and conditions. (Marriage is an example of an insane agreement rife with ever-changing expectations but no terms and conditions for her. Suggesting T's & C's are required of her is now misogyny - she can do whatever she wants, not do what she doesn't want, but you're still held to the highest possible standard. This double-standard in relationship makes women grossly unattractive to me and leaves me no desire to be in relationships with them. People offer "true love" and "the one" and "social responsibility" and "happy wife happy life" to try and veil the sheer insanity of it all.)

This may sound like a good plan for work, but it also works for family and interpersonal relationships. It avoids people taking on the responsibilities of others, and ENABLING other people to hand off THEIR work and responsibilities.

The reason I can't be in a relationship with females anymore is that "relationships are just damned difficult" - and they don't need to be. Women change the rules of the win win on the fly, based on what they're feeling that day, and I have ZERO TOLERANCE for such childish bullshit. I believe women are children, essentially.

In conclusion, I don't go into "panic and rage" when life throws me a curve ball. I sit down, calmly and rationally and assess the situation. Did I do this? Did you do this? Was this foreseeable or preventable? How do we fix this? What do I need to do? What do YOU need to do? What if we can't fix this - how do we terminate this relationship / deal?

I think a lot of Red Pill males and MGTOW too are "former nice guys" who let people shit all over them and manipulate them. I know I was. Now, I work daily on being clear and concise with what I am committing to, watching for scope creep not just with work assignments but with all forms of interpersonal relationships. If I agreed to help you move, I'm not coming in on the Sunday to clean your old place and help you unpack at your new place. I have my OWN shit to do on Sunday, and I've already given up a Saturday for YOU.

Employers, girlfriends, wives , siblings, parents, children, and even guy friends - they can sometimes expect more and more and more, and sometimes they are never happy. Part of being MGTOW for me - a big part - is no longer feeling responsible to fix the negative emotions of the people who have unreasonable or unfair expectations of me. And even if their expectations ARE fair or reasonable, they also have to realize that I have the right to say NO from time to time and it's THEM, not ME who needs to deal with that.

Some life-affirming statements I make as a MGTOW:

"No."

"That's not my problem."

"That's your problem."

"I didn't sign up for this."

"This (relationship/deal) no longer works for me."

"That's too fucking bad. You'll get over it. I know I will."

You can't say those things in a marriage. You can't even say them in a tough job market where you NEED your job. But you'd be surprised just how often you CAN say these things. They will call you an asshole when you stop being a doormat and many will stop associating with you (especially if they were just using you, or they are simple parasites). BUT, some will stay and begin to treat you more fairly. Why?

Because for the first time they might actually have some respect for you.

ThePanther1989 · 2020-02-22T03:26:50+00:00

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard I worked, it didn't make a difference to her..but I married her..I made the fucking deal, so I kept trying. The harder I tried, the more she made sure to let me know how inadequate my efforts were. Eventually, I stopped trying, I was spent and myhealth declined. I am done with that but not many can say it because we choose familiar hells over unknown heavens. Life is short..make you happy above all else.

cptredlegs · 2020-02-21T16:03:49+00:00

Nonsense. When your expectations and reality don’t jive.... change your reality, NEVER your expectations! As a matter of fact, demand MORE of yourself.

Gretatunberg · 2020-02-21T16:53:53+00:00

concentrate on obtaining and identifying victories.

MGTOW_BEASTMODE · 2020-02-21T17:30:27+00:00

The things I want to do.. I will never be able to do.

So why start?

One thing I want it to go to Mars. Don't see that happening in my life.

Another is I want to own a robot that I can train martial arts on.. don't see that happening in my life.

All the things I want, aren't even invented yet.

So what do I do? Just live comfortably and have fun until it's my time.

everydaygreyman · 2020-02-21T18:02:02+00:00

This is modern women. When their Disney princess bullshit fantasies don't come true they lash out erratically and ruin lives and ultimately civilizations.

JD-Anderson · 2020-02-22T05:05:37+00:00

Wow, I needed this right now. Thanks!

Noursaidana · 2020-02-22T14:54:35+00:00

Patience is a virtue that few people have.

cptredlegs · 2020-02-21T17:05:25+00:00

....this article says, “...it may be easier to change your expectation than change your reality...” I PROMISE it’s easier to change your expectations than change your reality. This is the rationalization of poor and fat people. “Easy” isn’t the definition of a life lived to the fullest. As a matter of fact, it’s the exact definition of a life of regret and unrealized potential.

lumpedt · 2020-02-21T23:33:19+00:00

Assume the state of the wish as if it were already attained; thusly you begin to mold reality.

Title	Can definitely relate
Author	Cheeky9
Upvotes	1
Comments	23
Date	February 21, 2020 3:31 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/f7cpgw/can_definitely_relate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/can-definitely-relate.810024 https://theredarchive.com/post/810024

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