I’ll prob delete this in a week or so but I wanted to get some advice.

Long story short is I’m fucked up, physically and mentally. I don’t mean like I scraped my knee and someone made fun of it, in my case I’ve got a feeding tube and I’m afraid to go outside and talk with others.

I just feel so God damn low, like I’m on fire and the burn is so distracting I can’t think at times, I can’t eat, I feel like I’m breaking. I’ve been alone and in my room most of the time, don’t have any friends so no one visits.

But I’ll stop going on about that I could write a book, what I wana know is how can I start getting out of this pit at all? Everyday I try so fucking hard, but I feel like it’s all for nothing. I am doing things even if it’s little, trying to paint, take pictures, play games, at the least get out of bed and eat. But what is it all for?

I hate myself so fucking much, I don’t even know why anymore, it’s just become part of my “ego”. I don’t have a job obviously, and I had to stop going to Uni because of my health. I never got my drivers licenses like an idiot because I genuinely did not care when I was younger. Now I’m stuck in my house pretty much everyday, crying, in pain, enraged, and I can take it in a way but I’m going fucking crazy or something.

I’m soon to get a surgery again to get this tube out, I don’t honestly know if I’m healthy enough to get it out, but I have to be a human being not a human doing. So regardless it’s coming out, and that’s why I made this post, I just really need some sort of guidance as all other avenues have failed me time and time again. I’m just another worthless person, I’m 21 but I don’t feel like a fucking man I feel like a walking corpse.