Dealing with disrespect.

YouSaidChicken · 2020-12-10T16:46:47+00:00

You're about to go graduate. Do not antagonize people who have power over you at this point.

You can only antagonize people who don't have power over you.

What does disrespect mean to you? What does respect mean to you?

If you're calling people out you're in their frame and they're controlling your feelings of what should be an internal process.

Respect is being given credit for your actions and blame for your misdeeds under the concept of responsibility.

Some feel a moral righteousness that they should be given credit for actions that may not be in evidence. Like demanding "respect" for....something based on no action. The same demands for punishment or derision for fucking up is ignored.

You want to balance it. If you feel you must be recognized by an outside agency for your actions, good or bad, you have to balance the reception of both, otherwise you just look like a demanding asshole.

Sometimes people are not aware of an objectively good or bad action, and don't value or recognize a reward or punishment for it.

You, however, have to remember you're ultimately responsible for your actions, and only concern yourself with that, and not so much external recognition.

This is having an internal locus of control, that you are inherently in control, and affected, by your internal beliefs of control over your life.

What you're describing is an external locus of control, where others are what has control over you, and therefore your "respect" in this case.

If you wanted to teal with negative emotion, you need to make sure you recognize that in the end, you decide how you feel about things, as you have zero control over what others think of you, unless you do something that affects them.

Give me a ride to the airport, I thank you and respect you, fail to give me an agreed upon ride, and I don't think you, nor do I respect you.

You can't control my feelings, you can only control your actions. So actions consistently and your objective rewards increase to a higher status of respect. Consistently fuck up and people will increase the punishments, hold you responsible and "disrespect" you from a status standpoint.

You're thinking "respect" is some sort of action that will then cause something to happen, which is a bad way of looking at it, as that will not happen 99% of the time, and it puts the fragile concept in the hands of others, who have their own agendas.

You cannot demand respect. You can only do actions that have a positive outcome and therefore get a social status reward.

Impossible-asset · 2020-12-10T23:34:07+00:00

Well, there are several ways you can deal with people like this, and I'm sure many will have differing advice from what I would offer you. This is from the "conflict resolution" standpoint.

When faced with people like this, I just keep it in my head that whoever is doing the talking doesn't really matter. Most people will engage with you like this because they either want to show how dominant and imposing they are (a boss yelling at you in front of people, for example). or because they are wanting to get a rise out of you (bitches in general). I make it a point to answer in a calm manner, no matter how much bait they are throwing.

Keeping your cool and answering with an empathetic tone is the kryptonite of most people who are disrespectful like this. They don't know what to do because it's IMPOSSIBLE to be pissed at someone who is AGREEING with you.... It short-circuits the hamster.

The more angry and nasty and disrespectful someone is to me, the more cool I am. Had a service chief today call me up SCREAMING on the phone. Crying, calling me names and telling me how impossible I was making her life. I did not engage one iota of her bullshit. I calmly explained why something needed to be done a certain way.

For example I told this raging cunt (and she IS):

**"It really is, REALLY, a frustrating situation. But the best way I can help with that is to guide you through what needs to be done. We can use the tools we have together <tools x,y,z>, and we'll knock this out real fast."**

So, first off we see empathy and then agreement without apology. That 's objectivity. Then, we move on to planting the idea that I'm not the bad guy, but that I'm here to help. I let her know I know what needs to be done, and can help her get it taken care of.

She bitched and moaned and whined, and threatened, and CRIED and screamed at me on the phone..... 0 fucks given on my part. Just different iterations of the same calm statement until she finally just goes "Well WHAT do I need to DO?" .... .... gotcha bitch.... I win.

I don't CARE if they "disrespect" me. Because they don't matter to me. And when they give up and figure out that you're not going to reciprocate ANY of their disrespect, it's pure bliss.

If someone treats you disrespectfully, let it go, because unless it's a direct threat to your life or property, it's likely not worth even addressing.

antifeminist3 · 2020-12-11T00:27:13+00:00

If someone talks down to you, does this cause you to become more inferior? No. It has no effect on your value. Your problem is that other's people opinion of you/how they talk to you actually matters to you.

Possible causes are low self-esteem, and being more sensitive to negative emotion than average. Which is it? or both? Both of these are a matter of how one thinks, and it is difficult to change the way one thinks. Work on it.

RedEyeBlackEye1 · 2020-12-10T21:17:10+00:00

Ignore,agree and amplify,or pressure flip.

In this case,you have nothing to gain by pissing off your professor,but everything (academically speaking) to loose if he decides to do everything in his power to make sure you don't graduate bc he hates your guts.

Ignore him,do your work,leave, you don't have to see his ugly mug again until next class meeting.

Good luck G

TranscendTheMan · 2020-12-11T06:07:18+00:00

You cannot control the actions of others only your response and your own actions. Generally speaking, if someone disrespects me in a way that is not life threatening I just go on like it never happened. Some people try to get an emotional reaction from you, and it pisses them off when you are able to control your own emotions and hence take away their power. However if you get upset at them, than you have given your power of your mind to someone who is certainly not worth giving that power to. The more you respect yourself and care about yourself the harder it is to feel disrespected from the actions of others.

I look at it this way when someone says something insulting towards me " They aren't insulting me, they are insulting their perception of me, which is completely inaccurate, since nobody truly knows me as I do"

slamdunktiger86 · 2020-12-11T04:39:59+00:00

Disrespect from a Marxist Professor is a badge of honor.

I’ve had a couple Fs and Ds from professors who failed me because I defended non-PC topics very well against paper tiger leftist arguments.

Don’t care.

Fine, not magna cum laude, no big deal, my non-PC portfolio laughs at them every day.

Matiyah · 2020-12-11T05:13:02+00:00

Disrespect just doesnt bother me at all. In the long run it really doesnt matter if you arent going to be seeing the person every day. At work I would definitely assert myself. If it is some random asshat you wont have to deal with in 3 years just ignore him and move on. Treat the class as GIGO -Garbage In Garbage Out. That's what I did with those god awful "Diversity" courses (propaganda) I had to take.

Solo_and_Simple · 2020-12-11T17:54:22+00:00

It's okay to tell those kind of people off occasionally. I did it once to a professor, too. Being able to be a bit of a dick in return is a good skill; it prevents bullying.

However, I think the better thing is to be able to throw off an insult, to not let it bother you in the first place. That takes more fortitude than just biting back.

How to do it? Well, here is a little process I go through, whenever someone insults or disrespects me (which doesn't happen often, and it's usually over the internet when it does):

Is what they are saying true? Are they right? Am I in the wrong? If so, then I try to override my natural defensive instinct and admit my error or shortcoming. That usually defuses things.
However, 95% of the time, what they are saying is not true. It's way off base. In that case, I don't give it any importance. I'm not going to get wound up about a mistaken idea that exists in someone else's head. Unless that person can hurt me, that is (e.g., a boss), in which case I'll adopt a different strategy. But with most people, I just dismiss it. They don't know what they're talking about. So why should I upset myself about it?
Remember to consciously dial down the importance I assign to other people's opinions. Unfortunately, evolution has programmed us to care a lot (too much) about what others think of us. Back then, it mattered; social disapproval could mean death. Now, it means diddly squat. Sure, it's annoying, but we don't have to make it anything more than that.
I try to avoid arguing or defending myself. I would much prefer to just ignore the person and dismiss their comments as meaningless. If I can do that, I will, because defending myself or arguing almost never works out in my favor. I may think I won the argument, but arguments hardly ever change the other person's mind. He'll come away thinking worse of me than he started. What's the point.
I don't take it personally. This is important. Almost always, the person who is putting you down is saying more about them than they are about you. It's often a narcissistic thing (ego inflation by putting someone else down). Maybe they're in a shitty mood and this is their way to vent. Maybe it's a projection. Or maybe the person is just tends to be a jackass, and he/she does this to a lot of people. In any case, it's rarely about me/you. It's coming out of their consciousness and their personality -- it's about them, not you.
It's unrealistic to emotionally demand that everyone be respectful. It's fine to want or prefer that, but let's be real -- there are a lot of people who act disrespectfully to other people in the world. What makes me or you think we'll be exempt? Everyone gets shit on from time to time. It's just life. I don't mean you should like it. I just mean it can help to realize that everyone has to deal with their share of disrespect.
Vulnerability to other people's insults often signals a weak area in our own self-respect, an uncertainty. The more you can build authentic confidence (not bluster/ego, but quiet confidence), the less other people's criticism will bother you. So one of the best strategies is to just work from the inside on liking and supporting yourself more.

Good luck! It's definitely something I've struggled with myself. It's not easy to deal with, but you can make progress if you work at it.

2020-12-11T14:27:25+00:00

You didn’t do anything in your life to earn respect from others.

BoutOfDoubt · 2020-12-11T15:24:19+00:00

What are you majoring in anyways? There are a few nutjobs here are there, but you cannot mess with authority. When you enter the corporate, you'll automatically be respected properly, as there are certain etiquettes that are standard protocol in professional spheres. The same unfortunately is not true for colleges. Just bide your time.

2020-12-11T16:00:01+00:00

You gotta eat that shit until you are done.

BoutOfDoubt · 2020-12-11T19:38:47+00:00

Lots of great advice here. I appreciate it.

2020-12-11T21:30:04+00:00

I tend to rant about it to my mates, or in my iPhone notes (depending on topic), maybe on Reddit, then move on!

jihocech · 2020-12-12T10:41:13+00:00

I once rean a fantasy where they trained a technique called "heart of stone". Nothing special, just imagine the bunch of emotions and turn your heart to stone.

KuttyKool · 2020-12-14T17:11:07+00:00

You did the right thing. If the shoe was on the other foot and you disrespected him he'd be able to hide behind his credential as a professor for why you have to respect. You used your credential as a man. Hats off to you brother.

EyeOnThePrize44 · 2020-12-10T21:02:21+00:00

Kill anyone who disrespects you

Title	Dealing with disrespect.
Author	BoutOfDoubt
Upvotes	1
Comments	22
Date	December 10, 2020 4:25 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/kaid2u/dealing_with_disrespect/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/dealing-with-disrespect.803732 https://theredarchive.com/post/803732

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