Friendships (?)

mnomoto · 2021-03-18T18:58:38+00:00

Story of my life; I do far more for others than they do for me. Cut them out of your life. You’ll be happier.

DeepFriedPhone · 2021-03-18T20:49:19+00:00

The world is full up with people who fail to reciprocate or show an active interest in others, particularly our variety. Unmarried men carry a stigma because society doesn't approve of whatever's wrong with us. We must have been tossed out of the nest for a good reason.

People who don't reciprocate are usually the same types whose idea of conversation revolves around talking about themselves or gossiping about others. And any guy with a wife and kids is going to end up prioritizing them over any social life, so that means they're highly unlikely to indulge in social reciprocity. And don't get me started on women.

I generally stop responding to people's recurrent self-interest and conversation thankfully drops off because they can't take a hint and shift gears to talking about anything else that doesn't tightly orbit their ego, or show any interest in social reciprocity. Suffice to say, in this day and age, you aren't going to be left with a whole lot of people to talk to.

burnett-lignon · 2021-03-18T19:57:26+00:00

I think I do much more for others than they do for me. Often it's small things like giving them a jar of honey or some tomatoes. Sometimes bigger things, like repairing a rotten porch floor, or posts. I do it because it makes me feel happy to see them glad for what's been done. and I feel like part of my purpose now is to bring joy to others. But if their attitude changes and they become demanding or expectant, I don't feel like doing anything for them again. But I think it's different in the rural Midwest and people are helping each other all the time.

BroBro18070 · 2021-03-18T23:59:48+00:00

Friendship is a give and take. You sound like the guy who gives but is afraid or too shy to take.

Have a similar classmate. I took from him. Homeworks, relatively frequently. This guy would never ask anything in return. So I volunteered homework, did it to a high standard, making absolutely sure the homework I gave him was of higher quality so he wouldn't have to worry about anything. I wanted to reciprocate. Guy couldn't stomach it. He thanked me but still did it himself, didn't accept the help.

If you're this guy, don't be afraid to ask for a favor. Need to move? Call up one of those people you helped. Have an electrician friend you helped a lot and you need something fixed? Don't be afraid to ask.

This serves two functions. The first would be to weed out takers, useless people in your life. They will be the majority. Once you've determined for a fact this is who they are, burn the bridges between you, even if it's not by confronting them but by evading them. Oh you've been so busy with work, this that and the other. That's how I've cut most of my bad influences out. If you have to be around them, reduce it to the polite stranger level. Don't go out of your way to help them like you did before.

The second function would be to strengthen the bonds with good people, people who reciprocate. My best friend, he's done so much for me and I've done so much for him. Most of the things were things either of us could've done on their own with more time or effort, we didn't absolutely need each other like it was an emergency. But you see, purposefully receiving and giving help is something humans have always done. It builds a relationship that is then a fallback in case something happens where it is an emergency and you need help or shit hits the fan. Without having gone through the first phase of giving and receiving in trivial situations, you never get to the phase of being able to rely on somebody in a sticky situation.

When I want to be friends with somebody, I am proactive in doing something good to them. Then I observe if they reciprocate. Then I adapt according to that. You have to determine this early on in the relationship, you don't want to be used for years before you put an end to it. I have limits for what I would do for somebody depending on the depth of the relationship or their history with me. I would buy a new potential friend a snack, I wouldn't pull an all nighter to help them finish some project.

If you take away one thing from this, it's to put in as much as you receive, at the start maybe slightly more. That way you're not disappointed if somebody doesn't reciprocate, you just start mirroring their behavior. This will make you more fulfilled in your interactions with people.

sexy-nun · 2021-03-18T18:56:29+00:00

Don’t have any real friends , sorry can’t help🙂

Chinny_YT · 2021-03-18T23:30:16+00:00

Cut off the friendship, its an indicator they are toxic.

MuayThaiYogi · 2021-03-18T23:36:09+00:00

Pardon my French, but say, "Phuck(Pronounced Phu-huck) 'em" and pour yourself a scotch....

cz_masterrace · 2021-03-18T23:39:21+00:00

Just go about your life, but keep the door open. You don't need to go out of your way for people who aren't reciprocal, but you also don't need to burn any bridges either. I was probably that bad friend during my marriage because I was too busy tending to that dumpster fire. I'm thankful some people let me back in down the road. I give people the same courtesy these days.

Deplorable_X · 2021-03-19T08:53:09+00:00

Drop them like it's HOT

2021-03-18T22:36:01+00:00

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts!

CpuDoc67 · 2021-03-19T12:53:27+00:00

I distance myself from "Exhaustive" family members also, if a friendship is not balanced they serve no purpose. I cut the dead weight.

ConfederateGuy · 2021-03-19T15:28:55+00:00

I moved. I realized that I was in need of focusing on myself for a bit got a better paying job that forced me to move to accept it and now I'm drama free. My old friends are hours away and they don't bother to call,text, or keep in contact because I'm not immediately there for them. Focus on yourself and gain strength from it.

Chaneto · 2021-03-20T15:58:39+00:00

Set boundaries. You sound like a giver, and it can be exhausting at times. If you feel like you aré giving too much and not getting enough in return, establish what you want to give going forward -energy and emotionally - and start living this way. If your friends complain, let them know you have a lot on your plate - they will understand if they are true friends. And if they don’t and continue to ask for more from you, it might be time to limit your interactions.

Remember you are the only one with the power to decide what do you and not do, and the people that surround you.

No-Connection-987 · 2021-03-24T01:22:22+00:00

It seems like a common situtation a lot of people find themselves in. But if everyone is giving too much and receive too little, then who's really the one on the other end. It makes me wonder.

Title	Friendships (?)
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	19
Comments	20
Date	March 18, 2021 5:46 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mgtow2/comments/m7wg1z/friendships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/friendships.1600819 https://theredarchive.com/post/1600819

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