Wait what?

You might be Alex. You might be Brad. You might be Chris. You might be Dave. You’re probably human. And you’re certainly not gay. Hear me out.

Okay, go on.

Like pussy? Great. Like dick? Also great. Enjoy your choices of who to cum with. Sticking your dick in any of the petri orifices has risk, and it’s again, your choice to make. “But I don’t use my dick during sex, I’m the one that gets wrecked”. Great, good for you! Enjoy an increased risk of anal tearage, hemmies, ass cancer, and post-pounding pain when nature calls, for the sake of hedonism.

I even understand why you’d foolishly call yourself gay, for the sake of brevity. “I like dick” is just as short as “I am gay” but an ounce longer than “I’m gay”. “Gay” means “stupid” to half the world, “I like dick” to half the world, and “I’m useless / undependable” to half the world. If that adds up to a confusing amount, make friends with the Venn triagram. So if you call yourself “gay”, I’ll most certainly think you’re stupid. Maybe even the other two. I think I was stupid when I used to, so why would you get a pussy pass.

So then what should I do or say instead?

Say nothing. Nobody’s business who you have sex with except the exact individuals you fuck around with. Spend time in the same space with humans who share your hobbies.

Video games? Have fun bonding over a cooperative or competitive experience. Exercise, outdoors or mechanical things? Have fun bonding while you improve your wellbeing or skills. Homicidal hatred of humanity? Have fun bonding while enacting yet another form of population control, and let me know what long pig tastes like.

By the way, the lgbt stuff is population control. Practically no one is so incapable that they can’t have sex with either (same or opposite) sex, so your choice is the death of your bloodline. Granted, women and all other emotional people are so damned insufferable these days no one can blame you for choosing gay, so all I can really do is thank you for willingly participating in population control. I almost took the headbag+gas shortcut, won’t blame you if you get to that point either.

That got dark quick. So what now?

Yep. But hey like that one post said, depression is your body recognizing your way of life is terrible, I’m never letting myself near there again. Cut all garbage people out of your life, even if they make you a bit happy in addition to a lot of sad. That’s your sign they’re manipulating you for their own gain. You only have 100% of a soul to use, the soulsuckers near you will try to get as much as they can.

Have too many hobbies that make you feel like shit (like a moba that tells you terrible things every 30 seconds, thank you league, or too much sauce and can’t keep a job or a roof)? Get rid of some of them, give yourself any objective you think will make your life better, put at least 10 minutes a day as soon as you wake up towards it, and check where you are in 30 days. Your life’s goals are the only ones that matter, and if you’ve lived for so long giving in to the goals of others, you might have forgotten how to make your own goals. So, baby steps.

I’m bored of reading. Get to the conclusion.

And I’m bored of typing on a shit-tier phone. Why does anyone even buy iPhones. These retarded things won’t even let you swear, capitalizes The Won’t WoT’s in am the wrong places and swipe is pure shot.

So in conclusion you’re not gay. You are you. Or, you simply are. So, be better. When you die tonight and wake up tomorrow, take the risk and be better. Don’t use the words of women (male or female, before I get accused of sexism in the weak-willed minds of the emotionals), don’t put yourself in a group identity (seriously, stop giving them any more power than already there), improve your life bit by bit until it’s more than you could have dreamed of, gain security for that future that won’t ever be promised to you, make a life worth living with people worth keeping (regardless of the narrative you put around them), and for god’s sake toss these ducking iphones in the garbage where they came from.