Tonight, embedded in a minor shit/ comfort test, which I passed, was wife's first mention of the changes I have made in the last couple of months. Her: "I don't like the way you've been lately. Smiling and acting all amused." Me, (smiling at her, very relaxed) "You mean you like it better when I'm angry at you?" Her: (snippy) "I mean acting all amused and looking at me like I'm a child you find funny." I just smile at her more. Then she launches into complaints about how she only lives here, her views don't matter, etc etc, she is just a boarder. Me: "If you're just a boarder here, you're about 20 years behind in the rent." (said with alight-hearted tone, smiling)

Her (cold) "I contribute here too" then a long list of all the landscaping changes she has made.

At the end, I stand up, smile at here and hold my arms out and give her a hug. You see, she is starting a new job next month and its strssful and a big change, so I gave her some leeway. After that she melted in my arms a little and not a peep from her.

So, she notices the changes and is unsettled by them, so I must be doing something right.