I found the red pill about a year or so ago. I’m naturally a guys guy, however for a decade I have made every sacrifice to try and appease my wife. Made every concession I could to fix her “insecurities”. Well after discovering all the men that go through the same thing, I’ve come to realize every thing I thought about my efforts was a lie. Meaning it doesn’t matter what I do and how much it cost or how much I have to work, it will never be good enough. I grew up really poor so personally I need next to nothing. But I’ve provided the very best possible lifestyle I could for my family of 4.

Well I’ve slowly changed over the past year, and now I’m at witts end. I’m so sick of feeling like what did I do to deserve this mistreatment. The fights are constant now because I’m not just giving in. Why should I, it’s never reciprocated. During our 13 years together she has maybe apologized twice.

Now it’s to the point I will tell her something and she literally does the opposite just to piss me off. For instance she just throws the trash outside, and I’ve told her to just leave it by the door and I’ll put it away. It happened the past two days and of course animals chewed it apart. I told her I don’t get paid for maybe two weeks because of the large project I’m working on, and she went shopping for a dress for $150 and then buying a necklace in the middle of the night. When I confronted her she said “she doesn’t understand why I’m mad”, “I told you I was buying a dress 2 months ago” wtf. I just told her that morning to not spend money until I get paid again, because I have to pay all the bills this week.

So I’ve started drinking whisky with my neighbors on saturdays by the bon fire. Well now she tells me I’m an alcoholic and emotionally abusive because I will have two whiskeys on Saturday night. I don’t drink during the week, I literally work 7 days a week.

I can’t keep living my life like this. The last time I felt this bad, I was 18 and I moved across the country on my birthday after locking my adopted mom in a psyche ward and my biological mother had just been announced dead. This is a shitty feeling.

I hate knowing I want to be a family man so bad, but having anxiety coming home to an empty emotional house where’s it’s just a toxic war zone.

I have no one else to talk to. So here it is. Thanks for reading