12 year relationship, 1 child, 2 sets of moderate to severe mental issues. She was done 6 months ago, dropped the hammer on me 4 weeks ago. I was your typical nice guy, hard worker, decent looking, decent shape, by all accounts a very good dad, no abuse, just nice guy shit with a sprinkle of irish catholic machismo occasionaly bursting forward, always had financial issues but we managed to accomplish some pretty cool things, we are well known around town as a go-getter superstar couple. On paper, we're all but perfect. Never married, but essentially my wife in every way except legally.

Dove into MRP, halfway through half the books, got a gym membership, deleted all my socials, I've read every FR and comment on here at this point but it's too little too late. She's moving on, as expected, she's 6+ months ahead of me. I lost her respect. I get it. I dont respect me either. I'll lose the house, some notable positions I hold in town, take a big hit financially-it's already in very bad shape, part of what led to our struggles- and most importantly, how this will affect our child, whom I love dearly.

She's a good person at heart, gorgeous, a catch on paper, struggles with mental issues and gets disturbingly mean when the emotions take over, and almost abusively self centered when you catch her in the wrong light. I'm an incredibly hard worker but cant build a real career, developing alcohol issue, moody, depressed, anxious, people pleaser, nice guy, the usual, and known for some other really cool things i wont mention that 99.9% of people would never accomplish. I don't want to fight to the death in court but I know I have to end the cycle. Really don't want an all out war and don't want to destroy her, but she ratchets things up to DEFCON 7 when she's mad and if you don't fight you die. So I am going to get pushed over once again or go absolutely scorched earth, there's no middle ground when she's like this. I'm between a lot of rocks and a really hard place with our entanglements.

Problem is I apparently don't handle breakups well. We broke up once for a year and a half and I wallowed in misery. Absolute fucking hell. Money was an issue (notice the theme?), I never got over my hurt, never got closure, tried everything under the sun to survive, to improve, to get over her, to get her back (last time, not this time-- im getting better about catching my dancing monkey routine when we interact). I know there's threads of codependency here, self esteem issues, trauma bonding, etc. In a simulation of the two of us in this relationship, we'd end up happy and fulfilled probably 30% of the time, unhappy and together 30%, and where we are now the other 30% (10% i never accidentally knock her up at 22 years old). It could work, i know that. But i know it cant, if that makes sense, even though i dont want to believe it yet. But I have to let go, and apparently I don't know how.

I know, next that bitch and start spinning plates. Easy, right? Apparently not for me. So I'm looking for advice. How the fuck do you get over a relationship? I can't afford to wallow in pain. This is not RP. This is MRP on extra hard mode. Her own family have broken down and called me a saint for putting up with her, not in passing, like literally they don't understand how I survived this long with her. None of them can handle more than 5 mins with her. She's... spirited.

Tried therapy, came away thinking therapists are weak and soft. Read every blog. Journaled. Worked on gratitude. Studied freud. Studied the stoics. Fled town. Worked out. Dated a couple strippers but went nice guy on then too. Meditated. Heard every tony robbins anecdote, I still ruminate interminably. How the f do I get over this?

People who have truly gotten over breakups, how the f do you do it?