Quick question...

strategos_autokrator · 2014-12-22T09:15:28+00:00

To the matter at hand currently. She's been making a lot of promises lately about coming over to my place, spending time together, spending the night and trying to get to the point of moving back in. She's found a reason to bail EVERY TIME! Today was her last chance in my mind to make good and come over to spend the day and night with our son and I.

If you are thinking if her emergencies are real or not, and how to act based on that, you are in her frame. You are being beta. You need Outcome independence right now. Instead of waiting for her at the house to see if she shows up and when she doesn't you stay there thinking about it, do something else. They key is to have a plan that works regardless. Let's say, plan a family dinner/movie with drinks for the adults at home after. If she doesn't come on time, you go out with your son regardless, and do something fun with him. You don't even ask her if she will show up. Just set the time, and go at that time no matter what, no resentment, just go.

This will show by actions that:

You aren't reacting to her 'emergencies' and you don't operate in her frame. You have your plan, and you will do it. If she likes the plan, she has to she has to do her part if she wants to make it work. This sets the tone for the new relationship. You lead because you have purpose and plan ahead to get to your goals. She is the one with emergencies and lack of focus, so she must follow you.
You are doing everything you can, but you won't just sit around, and your happiness doesn't depend on her.
You are fine with she having 'emergencies' and don't hold resentment, but also, you don't let these emergencies affect YOU. They only affect her.

Essentially, your actions will tell her that SHE is missing out, that SHE has to get her shit together, that SHE has no power over you, but that you don't have any resentment nor play games. This is assertive, and it is absolutely independent of her having real or imaginary emergencies, as you respond in the same way that is fair to you regardless.

I say don't cut her slack, but don't go nuclear. Just become Outcome Independent. I think you aren't being OI, and might be inadvertently signaling you are still beta.

Also, you say you are new. How far along are you on the sidebar reading?

nachoprototype · 2014-12-22T17:22:02+00:00

So she left you, with your son, and keeps breaking promises she makes to you? And you want her to move back in? Just because you think you were being a "beta pussy" doesn't excuse any of her actions. You're still making an apology for her actions, "The reasons she left in the first place are directly linked to my beta ways as well."

It sounds like she made her choice and you're still the backup plan, stringing you along, letting you keep that thread of hope so you don't decide you're better off without her.

Chrysoscelis · 2014-12-21T21:58:02+00:00

I fail to find a reason for faulting someone that was literally in a life or death situation. Anymore bullshit reasons though...

BluepillProfessor · 2014-12-21T23:47:54+00:00

You were a Bluepill, unattractive putz. Now you are improving and becoming more attractive. Why wouldn't you try to game your estranged wife? What is the downside?

I am writing the section on the "Drunk Captain" for my book right now and I think that apologizing for your failings is part of resuming command. Don't grovel but why wouldn't you apologize, state what you did, and what you are going to do to fix it moving forward?

And yah, cut some slack but set those boundaries. Again, what is the downside.

Nycredpilldad · 2014-12-22T00:25:12+00:00

How about a fresh start? 2 years later & you are trying to ressurect this for what? Go get your shit together, bang some 20 something chicks & keep improving on you. This going back to the ex wife shit is totally beta.

exbp · 2014-12-22T05:40:11+00:00

Sure cut her some slack. But flip the script you're running. She's not deciding to move back, you're deciding whether to let her. Tell her in definite terms that you're willing to try a date but she's not coming back to live there until you're convinced that she can handle the new you and be a stable parent. Meanwhile find yourself a sitter and an option or two.

You may have found RP but you haven't swallowed it if you're waiting around on her decisions.

Title	Quick question...
Author	JustWadeIn
Upvotes	1
Comments	13
Date	December 21, 2014 8:57 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2q0314/quick_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/quick-question.202774 https://theredarchive.com/post/202774

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