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Having a Hard Time with a Toxic Break Up

March 9, 2022

My ex and I broke up some months ago after she left state with her family. We spent the last 2 years together surviving in an apartment we got together. We had gotten together under toxic terms but we made it work. She always had problems communicating from the start and it had eventually led to us getting into slight domestic violence. I never struck her or anything but she and I had both physical with one another, shoving each other about. It seems like even through all my compromises, problem solving, and resolutions I came up with, it's all my fault. Follow it up with her saying recently that she had used me for the recreational sides of life, I feel so empty. I feel alone and like I still need to fix it all somehow. Any help would be welcomed

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[–]Skirt_Douglas 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I really think you need to let her go. Her saying she was only using you, whether literally true or not, was the last nail in the coffin of that relationship. Just because she made you feel like it’s your fault doesn’t mean it was, and from what you describe she doesn’t hit me as a person who cares about your needs, or actually loves you very much.

I get that that two years is a pretty long time to be so close someone, and the idea of being without that with no other relationship in mind that you can run to for support, sounds like a plunge into the abyss, but it’s going to be worth it. It sounds like you love/d her, it’s very difficult to walk away from someone you still love, but it’s necessary, I really don’t think anything good will come from trying to chase her, take the ticket out. It all feels so dark and empty now, but future you will understand. Just know that everything you felt was real, if her feelings were a lie, that’s unfortunate, but that doesn’t make you empty, it’s quite the opposite, you brought your best self, and it sounds like she wasn’t willing to rise to the occasion with her’s. Perhaps the relationship should have ended no matter what, but the way she chose to cut you down sounds like she made the chose to inflict emotional damage upon you that you didn’t deserve. You don’t want to be with someone who wants to hurt you, and I hope you find peace in knowing you are no longer burdened by that.

You will have to reacclimatize to being alone, but that’s not as bad as it sounds. I think having time to hear your thoughts and process what you have been through without the presence of her emotional influence. You may find that alone time is exactly what you needed.

Stay positive, keep in mind all of the positive things that are coming from you being free of her. Think about all of the new things you get to do and try now that you have complete agency over your life now. Look forward to the bright future that is ahead of you, and just walk steadily toward it away from this moment.

[–]JetpacksSuck[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you. This is greatly appreciated. More than words can ever express.

[–]Kennierterablade 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Really sorry about your situation man, I've been used as well, and know it hurts, a lot. Some times is just not in our hands to control it, but it is getting over it, be sure you'llhave someone over here to talk about it, even if I'm just a stranger in the internet, I'll hear you out. Keep your friends close, they canguide you out of the metaphorical hole you steped in, they helped me, choose carefully your friendships so you know they'llbe there for you. Stay strong, hope you get better soon enough, glad to hear you if you want to.

[–]JetpacksSuck[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, really trying to put my best foot forward. I may reach out sometime

[–]surrealstrength 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Keep your head up brother. I think it was a blessing in disguise. I'm glad you've broken up with her. Take care of yourself. You can reach out to our community or me whenever you'd like. I only would advice you to take good care of your health. Don't get into toxic habits to make yourself feel better like drinking too much. You can always talk to us. Take care buddy

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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