Hi, New Here

Bare with me it's going to be a bit of a disjointed ramble and vent.

First off, this is a great idea and I'm surprised and disappointed to see that there are so few members. I sought out a group like this because I have been struggling emotionally for a while. Life is by all measures good. I have a loving wife two great and healthy kids (4 & 1), a good home and job. But I am so busy with things (kids, chores, other household responsibilities) that I have no time to myself. I do enjoy some of the house work, i enjoyed working with my hands, fixing things etc. But I feel like I'm burning out and the future doesn't look great. My wife is a stay at home mom and does a great job taking care of the family, which is very difficult. I do as much as I can to relieve her when I get off of work, so that she isn't in a horrible mood for the evening (children are SO draining). She is a great wife and tries to give me time to myself, but I feel the pressure of all the things that need to be done that I can't just chill out. I do not enjoy my job. I am a data analyst and I get away with doing as little as possible. The only motivation I have is to not get caught and reprimanded. It's like I use my work time to just relax and browse the internet and watch TV/movies online (I work from home btw). I have a strong imposter complex and in general I'm very insecure. I'm terrified of getting caught and fired due to lack of productivity, yet every days I do little to nothing besides responding to emails. Some times I wonder if it's a form of self sabotage. I've even started day drinking to make myself feel better and avoid the pain of my procrastination. I don't really have many friends and I hate to be the burdensome friend who only complains about their problems and seeks help. I guess i was raised to swallow it and trudge on. Like everyone is going through the same shit, I have no right to burden someone else with my issues. I have a younger brother who I know would be there for me but I also think he is going through similar problems. I have a friend nearby but he's the "life of the party" guy and has a tons of friends,so I never hear from him (plus he has his own family to tend to). I feel like the downer when we hang out and I inevitably vent about something. I don't even know where I wanted to go to with this post, but I plan on visiting and supporting the other guys here. Hang in there.