For context, we had a snow storm hit us yesterday and I had a plan to shovel the snow from the drive way.

By the time I reached outside, my mom was already there and got half our driveway done. No problem, that makes things easier. So I grabbed my shovel and brush to clean the snow off my car first and then shovel.

During that time, my mom and I ended up clashing on what's the best way to clean the snow. She's a perfectionist so there was some disagreeing on how to go about it. From there, we ended up getting into an argument and she said something along the lines of "You think you know everything and I'm dumb" this wasn't a one off thing, she says this all the time, which pisses me off because there were plenty of moments I actually did listen to her. Back then in my earlier years I would just be quiet and take it, but now I'm at a point where I'll bite back just as hard, which is exactly what happened.

Keep in mind what I described in the above paragraph is a single scenario that happened recently. After doing a lot of self work, I realize my parents are not emotionally present people and constantly bicker at each other, which affects me and my brother growing up in that same household. There were a lot of personal and social issues I had to work on, which a lot of them I realize came from the home I'm still living under. If you're thinking "This is a small thing, if you guys get upset over the small things, there's some deeper resentment going on." All I have to say is...you're right.

My mom and dad are religious people that come from a Hindu background. They're with each other to fulfill religious duties and raise us as they see it as their duty, which is nothing wrong with that. But I believe my parents resent each other (my mom showing that via ranting over the slightest agitation and my dad being the meek peacemaker who's dishonest with himself.) due to them not actually loving each other and I feel in turn that made me resent them because they basically set up an environment where my brother and I would be emotionally & mentally scarred just by being near them, and this translated to our social and romantic lives as well (academics wasn't affected because my culture greatly valued that, me too). My brother got lucky because growing up he had a good group of friends that kept him sane and gave him a boost in his social life, where I ended up hanging out with other reclusive people and therefore had to read a bunch of social skills & self-help books just to get to where I needed to be. My brother and I didn't get along back then and because I felt like I couldn't be at peace with my own family, my move was to move out and never speak to them again. But now he's recently seeing a therapist for about a year now and I noticed some differences with him, now we're working to try to start from a new foundation. It's been hard to bring myself there mentally, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

When it comes to my parents though, we've had a history of calling out their shit over and over again and them excusing it in one way or another. I have to put this in general terms because this kind of communication style happens so often that it's hard to keep count.

Anyways, leading up to now. There will be points where I realize I was wrong and have apologized for it. I can't say if this situation was one where I'm right/wrong as the discussion on hindsight wasn't that important in the future. At the end of the day we shovelled all the snow. But I do notice there's a cycle of me apologizing and her saying "apology is not enough". Even then, sometimes I think back on the times I've said sorry for things I probably shouldn't have apologized for but did regardless of that.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to move forward with my mom. My dad is someone who doesn't complain a lot. He too would sometimes throws fits but I find dealing with him to be easier as he doesn't do it to a level like my mom does. With her, she'll actually hold onto the resentment and never let go until one of us relents, her words basically become a swirling tornado once she gets started, and the only thing I could do in those situations is either make that tornado stronger myself and get myself agitated, or ride it out, either way this upsets my brain after all that is said and done.

Overall, she can't change how she feels, I can't change how I feel, and some of my strategies to try to calm & fix the situation are no longer working. I don't think this pattern is going to stop until I fully move out of the house for my own peace of mind (and even that's hard to do considering high housing prices rn but I am working towards a financially stable future.) so until then, it seems like I have to be on survival mode when dealing with her weather she bickers at me or my dad.

She's not gonna stop doing it at any time, but when that does happen, I wanna be emotionally detached as much as possible, only problem is I don't know how to do that when I'm exposed to it 24/7. And this is where my challenge is. I could spend time away from the house as much as I can, but most of my friends are usually busy doing something so I'd be bored. I could stay at home and distract myself by playing games, but I'll always be in earshot when the shouting moments does arrive. I understand whatever I'm seeking to help move forward with this is a temporary measure (unless you guys have something better.) that I'd constantly have to do to deal with it until the day I move out arrives. So yea, I would like some help here.