im. broken

ZulutheZebra · 2023-01-02T19:02:23+00:00

Hey man, I’m sorry to hear you are going through such a rough patch. Losing a mentor/father figure is hard enough without losing your girl as well. I’ve battled depression for years so let me try to give you a few pointers.

The biggest thing for me has always been slowly pulling myself out of the hole, one arm length at a time. This requires that you identify all the things that are weighing you down (trust me there are way more than you think, the two big ones are just pushing you past critical mass) and slowly start working them down one by one.

For example, when my depression was worst I was losing my hair, overweight and in a bad living situation (those were the three key ones at the time). So I slowly researched hair loss medication and started on finesteride (took about 9 months to regrow some, but the loss stopped immediately). At the same time I went to the gym every day, not just to lose weight but because working out helped me push away dark thoughts. Putting serious work into the two above things really helped me gain momentum to fix all the other minor things that had piled up, and I slowly started to get to a better place. I still deal with depression regularly but you get used to the feeling more over time as you overcome it and also have good times in between.

I’ll put this in there with regards to your girl; this is just my opinion so feel free to focus on the above as it will be the more beneficial of the two. People in general like to be around “winners”; those that walk around in a good mood spreading charisma etc. Depressed people might as well have the plague, mostly because of the desperation it brings with it. Sadly most people are not willing to even hear the woes of a friend that is depressed because it would “drag them down”. I speak this as someone who has been severely depressed and ostracized because of it.

All this to say…it would have been hard for your girl to deal with a depressed you in the first place, because people are not trained in how to help with depression if they haven’t experienced it. Throw in a cheating allegation on top of it and it’s too much for her to handle. My honest advice would be to work on handling the fallout from your mentor’s passing while possibly seeking counseling and working on yourself, because those things will help you no matter how things turn out. At the same time, proving that you don’t need your girl and that you are working to fix yourself is the absolute best chance you would have of getting her back.

I hope some part of this helps my friend.

kenbrucedmr · 2023-01-02T20:22:36+00:00

Hey man,

I'm sorry abour your loss.

I thought about whether should I even write something, after the excellent response already posted. I think I can say something from my experience, which might serve as a small complement to what has already been written.

Of course cheating is bad, but we all make mistakes, and we do have to let it go and forgive ourselves. This is very difficult while in the relationship. The person that has been cheated on will hardly manage to let it go, and it is totally understandable. What I mean is that, after an infidelity is discovered, the "well" of the relationship is most often just poisoned.

The end of the relationship is very hard, but is probably best to the both of you. For you, it grants you a fresh start, where you can learn from your mistake, grow from it, stop being the person who made it, and thus let it go. It might be that, in the future, you can start a new relationship with this girl (which must be free from the baggage from the previous one, to be healthy), but, as said by /u/ZulutheZebra, you need to let the need fo that go. If it happens, it happens (and it could happen many years and several relasionships later!) if it doesn't happen, things will get better regardless, and there will be new relationships for this new you, grown from the experience, to enter without any baggage.

I wish you all the best.

benzosyndrome · 2023-01-03T02:56:42+00:00

The other posts are pretty solid. You’re going to be ok, one step at a time. You are loved, even if it’s just from a random bro on Reddit. Don’t give up. I’m rooting for you.

Sharagoraz · 2023-01-03T03:54:27+00:00

So also update just found out this morning she went and slept with another guy so.. Yeah

Title	im. broken
Author	Sharagoraz
Upvotes	19
Comments	7
Date	January 2, 2023 1:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/101d6m2/im_broken/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/im-broken.1147463 https://theredarchive.com/post/1147463

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