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My mother was so mean

Ethnicallybisexual1
February 18, 2023
47 upvotes
/r/MenSupportMen

My mother said to my brother and I that we were misogynists and that we'd grow up to be woman abusers. From like age 8, for years she'd tell us that on and off, I don't know what I did to her and I was always confused about that, it got so bad I get actual fear when I hear or read the word misogynist.

And the worst part is years later my mother told that I was always the nicest, most respectful and kindest child to her. And then she did that all the time I really thought I was horrible to her even though I really loved her alot ☹️☹️

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Post Information
Title My mother was so mean
Author Ethnicallybisexual1
Upvotes 47
Comments 17
Date February 18, 2023 3:14 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/my-mother-was-so-mean.1152247
https://theredarchive.com/post/1152247
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/1155g0b/my_mother_was_so_mean/
Top posts by Ethnicallybisexual1

I open up and then I'm told shit

34 upvotes
March 8, 2023
/r/MenSupportMen
Comments

[–]randonthrowaway1933 19 points20 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

My mum was awful to me growing up: I was hit, shouted at, treated like an inferior object with no will of its own and shamed every day for being born in a situation I never wanted to be in.

boy does it suck listening to society tell men and boys if we were more like women then the world would be a better place. It’d still be an abusive shithole.

[–]Ethnicallybisexual1[S] 13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It really does hurt, and then your told shit like "Well men did it worse and for longer!!" And my mother made me realise these people make they're own monsters.

[–]randonthrowaway1933 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m sending you love and blessings. You didn’t deserve that in the slightest. Regardless of gender abuse is horrendous

[–]Alarming_Draw 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Are you me? Your post could have been about me!

[–]Cyb3rd31ic_Citiz3n 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've read stories of mothers who have been ideologically captured by feminism, and who project their insecurities onto their children through that political lense. So they'll abuse their kids because "they'll grow up to be misogynists/to stop them being misogynists".

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I really am.

[–]Ethnicallybisexual1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man and she isn't even active in that sphere. She gave no reasons for doing it and I to this day don't know why despite how much I loved her I'm just saddened when I think of it.

[–]Andreomgangen 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You make several references to considering having some responsibility for her actions through some behaviour of yours.

Although a very normal thought to have, everyone wants to believe they had some control over the situation, even if control means blame

You need to reconcile with the reality which is that you were a helpless victim of something you could Never have helped cause.

Your mother's actions has Nothing to do with you, and Everything to do with her.

[–]SoundProofHead 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

My mom said similar things. I've heard about men being rapists and that we should cut their dick at a very young age. Her dad was indeed violent and possibly a rapist. But that's a not good way to grow up as a boy, hearing those things. Maybe some mothers think that's how you prevent boys from becoming bad men but I think it does more harm than good. I think it's more about your mom and her life experience than you.

It makes sense that you're overly cautious about this subject. Your mom shouldn't have projected her anger or fears on you guys. Did your father react to this? Do you think it has an impact on your relationships with men and women? Was she ambivalent in other ways, meaning that she would say or do hurtful things but try to appease you afterward?

[–]Ethnicallybisexual1[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My father didn't do shit he wasn't around alot. And how its affected my relationships with men and women? I think I became a bit repulsed by women because of her. But I luckily got over that, mostly.

And no my mother didn't really try to appease us, my brother and I just remember she would just argue more with us and dig deeper. It just hurt man.

[–]SoundProofHead 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

But I luckily got over that, mostly.

That's good!

So you were basically a way for her to vent. That's rough and 100% unacceptable. I hope you know this isn't your fault. When we are kids and our parents feel bad, we tend to automatically think we're the reason. As we grow, we eventually become more self-aware but this shit can stick with you. I hope you're able to differentiate between her demons and your feelings.

I was thinking today how much we accept parents being mean towards their kids, yelling, pushing, basically being toxic towards them and how we wouldn't accept any of that if they did the same thing to an adult. I think many people, including parents unfortunately, often abuse their power over kids because it's so easy.

It's too bad your dad wasn't there to maybe balance it out and provide some safety. I'm sorry for you guys.

Some parents are just too unhealthy to be good, safe caretakers. It's very unfair because you didn't ask for any of this and it happened when you couldn't make sense of things or defend yourself but now you are a grown adult and you can use your new tools to get better. Have you considered therapy?

[–]Ethnicallybisexual1[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sorry to break it to you but my father was also incredibly physically abusive, emotionally and along with my aunt sexually. It's just unfortunate my mother was fucked and my father was fucked.

It was so bad I became suicidal at 6 years old and it still persists to this day. And yes I've been to therapy didn't really work, now I'm at a point where I'm very comfortable just never properly confronting any of that shit.

But thanks man, I appreciate it.

[–]SoundProofHead 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's awesome that you're still here writing these lines man! You're fighting despite the shitty cards you've been dealt. That's very impressive.

Therapy can be tricky and it can be hard to find the right therapist with the right approach. I understand your choice of not wanting to go back. Whatever you do, I hope you'll find paths towards at least a bit more peace. Surround yourself with good people, that's very important.

[–]EfficientCow2644 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had the same experience when I was younger, sorry to hear that man

[–]UnHope20 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Really sorry that you went through this. Are you getting the help that you need to heal from this?

[–]Ethnicallybisexual1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm actually perfectly fine never "healing". I'm at a very comfortable place right now and I don't want to ruin it. And yes I have been to therapy.

[–]Alarming_Draw 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Similar.

My mother and sisters were feminists and are total manhaters. ALL of them cheated on EVERY partner they ever had, including my dad.

But hes such a cuck he didnt leave.

I was the only male to stand up to them and their man hating. So they called me sexist and have told everyone they know I hate women.

THIS is what growing up in a feminist family is like. Toxic

[–]Ethnicallybisexual1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My mother wasn't even a fucking feminist which is what hurts more. She did it out of her own not even from some external motive. And I to this day don't understand but man seeing you say this makes me feel a bit better.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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