I'm in dire need of inspiration. I'm tired, more tired each day passing. It's that time of day when thoughs just run through my head. I'm gonna lay out a few so you can understand better.

I'm almost 40 y.o. 10 years i been living here in this country. Mostly alone, lonely minus a few wasted years in relationships out of FOMO or bored or whatever the reason, but only with emotionally scared women. Family is around but not present at all. Lost a parent last year, other one in my home country. Not many friends(not close ones anyway). Been doing the same thing as a job in the last 9 years, mechanics and car related stuff(not certified, just learned it by doing).Job paid well, had side gigs I made a lot of money because i used to be frugal and saved a lot. No vices but Hot Wheels collecting. I have 3 cars and 2 motorcycles and only one of those is financed(one car, rest are paid off), some credit card debt and a decent chunk of money in my savings(six figure). Last year i started going to the gym and did not miss a single day of working out. Made a point of volunteering at shelters and helping people in need. So far, sounds perfect, right? Now here's the catch. I'm afraid to quit my job because it pays really well but it just kills me slowly, i started inventing lies to not go in random days. I dread being there just because of my boss. I'm afraid i'm not gonna find a different job. I'm afraid to start a bussiness even though i know a lot of things but i'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid to talk to women on the street not to come across as a creep(i get picked on usually by them, i only had gorgeous girfriends, because i'm attractive) or to have them get to know me and see what a mess i am. I'm afraid to invest not to loose my money. I can't read or learn anything because i loose focus very fast. So basically at this point i'm just sailing through life on auto-pilot. Not only this, lately i find all the excuses to not go to the gym, to eat all the crap in the world(my diet was on point all these years), i started having allergies due to my eating habit, and most important part, my house started to become a mess(it was never like this).Usually at this hour i would be well asleep knowing i have to work tomorrow. But here i am, awake. I just don't care about anything anymore.

Maybe it's just a passing stage. Maybe i'm just feeling like this for the moment. But these moments become a common occurence. It's really shameful to be at this age and feel lost in life. I know others have it way worse, i know it. I can't even get a pet because i used to travel a lot and also with living in an apartment it's not fair for a pet to be locked up in a house several hours a day. I'm really not asking for a pity party, it might be just a vent and hope it's gonna go away soon. Or i can just hope there's other people out there who can relate to my situation and i can get some inspiration.

If i made a mistake in writing or expressing myself, pardon me, english is not my first language.