Really screwed up

TheMadWoodcutter · 2024-07-09T02:58:27+00:00

Sounds like you’re caught between a rock and a hard place. No matter what you do you’re going to be in for a bad time.

kenbrucedmr · 2024-07-09T22:00:27+00:00

IMO a dead bedroom relationship is just not sustainable. Whether you have been in it for 2 months or 40 years, it's not worth it too keep something just because "you've been in it for so long". That's the sunk-costs fallacy. I'm not saying "break up", I'm saying you need to see whether the problem can be fixed with reasonable effort.

Perhaps couple's therapy (but with a truly neutral therapist, not with one that blames you for everything) could help you guys whether you are in a state where your relationship is in a state where it's worth saving, or not.

In any case, I'm sorry this is happening to you. As you know, cheating was a bad way to deal with the problem, and a mistake, but, who has never made a mistake? We all screw up sometimes.

NotGoodSoftwareMaker · 2024-07-10T09:22:07+00:00

I mean, there probably isnt a magic sequence of words that will fix it. You did some stuff which broke trust. So now she has given you the second chance and you got to put the work in, pretty simple stuff

IMO you need to speak to your wife, own up to it, get her to see how her actions affected you and then both solve the problem. She is right though, you got to work things out. Work being the operative word

Now how you guys choose to work things out is up to you. Its entirely possible your wife may not actually mind if you get some action on the side, she may only want someone she can trust who will love her. The sex stuff may not be that important to her

Firstborn3 · 2024-07-28T20:07:13+00:00

I too am in a DB. I feel your pain, it's awful. Over the years I've thought about having an affair, and have come close enough a few times that I had to pull myself back. But if you are going to go that route, "Don't shit where you eat", as the scholars say. Don't hit on your wife's friend. It's got to be somebody anonymous that doesn't know anybody that you know.

3PAARO · 2024-07-09T14:07:20+00:00

You and your wife need to dive deep into the uncomfortable questions of why your intimacy is gone, and you have to take the lead and show her that you will put in the work to fix your problems first, and then invite her in. Good luck!

Title	Really screwed up
Author	JohannesLorenz1954
Upvotes	10
Comments	9
Date	July 9, 2024 2:53 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/1dyrs47/really_screwed_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/really-screwed-up.1523702 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523702

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