Hey guys I've been thinking a lot about this topic and wanted to discuss it with other men. I don't have really any men in my life that share my view on the issue that I feel comfortable discussing this with, some women but it's different. TW: SA also both I and the other person are survivors of SA for context, I think that's important.

Anyway this is a lot so I'll just jump in.

So about 2 years ago now a girl I was seeing accused me of SAing her, I was 20 she was 21 at the time. I'm not gonna go into super detail about what happened cause that's not important. If you can't help yourself there's some older posts on my profile that are more in depth about that particular situation. Anyway for the rest of you long story short this was someone I was seeing, we got drunk one night, she said she wasn't comfortable with sex cause of the drinking. While in bed and making out I felt we were both coherent and into what was happening so I asked her if she wanted to do other things (not sex), she said yes, we did those things, she participated and enjoyed herself.

She accused me of SA a few months later for this saying she "had made it clear she didn't want that".

Like I know I didn't commit a crime. On its surface it's not even close. I mean I asked for consent did everything ur supposed to do. But I still feel guilty about it, like I should have known better. I do think accusing me of SA is taking things to far. I'm not trying to defend that. But I still feel responsible to some extent for the regret or negative feelings she must have.

I remember waking up the next day and immediately thinking that I fucked up. That when she said she didn't want to have sex she meant more then that. I guess I didn't know for sure but I had the incling that sober her would not feel great about it.

Genuinely in the moment my drunken brain thought everything was great. She was clearly enjoying herself, I just feel so guilty that I didn't take a split second to think about how everyone might feel about it in the morning. I know I'm not the only one responsible for what happened or the only one with agency in the interaction. I know I didn't coerce or manipulate her in anyway, I know I didn't use her drunkenness to get her to do something she otherwise wouldn't. I know I got explicit clear verbal consent throughout but something still felt off about it.

I know this is probably just a case of morning after regrets and sober me realizing how stupid drunk me was. Her maybe overreacting because of her trauma. But I feels like it's more then that like I hold a bit more responsibility cause she asked me not to have sex and I initiated that level of sexual contact that did make her uncomfortable or regret the next day.

I don't know if there really a question in there any thoughts or support would be nice tho.

Edit: It's also probably important to add that this was not just a hookup or something we really did like each other, like a llloootttt.