This is more a vent than me asking for help but help would be nice

SNAiLtrademark · 2022-09-17T14:43:00+00:00

I say this with as much gentle compassion as I can: You need to talk to a professional therapist about this. You're in a dark place, and it's going to take time, energy, and consistency to get to where you need to be.

I believe in you, and want to see you be your amazing self for a very long time.

BlaqBull602 · 2022-09-17T22:35:52+00:00

I'm looking into different therapy options but I can't afford it from the looks of it

Sydnaktik · 2022-09-18T03:37:53+00:00

Ok, I'm going to do something that a lot of poster don't like, and I'm going to talk about myself. But just to be clear, the reason I do this is because I can't know enough about you from just your post to give you meaningful advice. All I can do explain a situation that happened to me and how I solved it and hope that somewhere in there you find something that's useful to you.

So I used to be depressed. I think just a fraction of how depressed you are (like maybe a quarter). It made doing the simplest tasks really difficult. Didn't go out much, etc...

I turned it around by doing to things: I switched to eating mostly meal replacement powders, and I reduced how much effort I put into work. Basically, I was just eating frozen pizza most of the time, so my diet was trash, and all the energy I was putting into work meant I had nothing left for my mental health.

So, the point of this story is: do consider that some of your depression may be caused by physical problems (poor diet, not enough exercise) or by exhausting your mental energies. From your post this is probably not going to be the biggest contributor for you like it was for me, but consider making sure that it's not a contributor.

I also used to be a bit of doomer like you. Over time, I somehow just got over it. I'm still a doomer, I'm very concerned with humanity's future and I'm worried it's about to take a really bad turn. But it's just not making me depressed anymore, I just focus on how I can contribute positively and accept that things are too complicated to properly predict where things are going, so just hope for the best.

Okay, I also have an idea that's not based on experience: you do list all the things you're failing at and maybe that's making you feel like you have insurmountable obstacles in front of you so why even try to move forwards? But instead of judging your life based on what you can't do, you could reset your expectations, drop (or reduce the required level of success) some of your perceived responsibilities (have many trustworthy friends, find a girlfriend, find a job, don't be a burden to your mom), focus on what you can do and start adding responsibilities back more slowly as (or if) you become better able to address them.

E.g. I have girlfriend now, but I was an "incel" for a very long time, and I had just accepted that it might just be that I'll live life without one, but there were still other things to live for (even if it's just playing video games).

Depression can be a self perpetuating problem, because it prevents you from doing the things that will get you out of it. My depression prevented me from eating healthy food which contributed to my depression, I fixed it with effortless, reasonably healthy food. If you can afford therapy you can get prescribed medication that will sort of lift your mood which will break the cycle. But if you can't get professional help you can still focus on making your goal to fix your mood, rather than fixing your life.

What I'm trying to say is this: 1. Fixing the problems in your life might not magically fix your depression the way you think it will. 2. Fixing your depression might not require you to fix the problems in your life. BUT, fixing your depression would be a very nice first step towards fixing the problems in your life.

Here's what I believe about depression as a total layman: there's different kinds of depressions and they may require different ways to fix. Some may be impossible to fix and just have to be managed somehow (somehow I get the sense that this is not the case for you, but if it is you absolutely MUST get professional help). I believe that while depression is often related to your life situation, it's rarely as directly tied to it as you feel. I also believe that depression is often directly related to your physical body.

I also did a quick google search for getting help for depression when you can't afford therapy. Here's two of the top results:

https://health.usnews.com/health-care/patient-advice/articles/2017-06-16/depression-how-to-get-treatment-if-you-cant-afford-it-or-it-isnt-covered

https://www.livehealthymag.com/cant-afford-therapy-how-to-deal-with-depression-on-a-budget/

I'm proud to report that fixing your diet and exercising are top of the list. But I still think it only helps if diet or lack of exercise is actually a contributor to your depression, which is no guarantee.

I also note that both articles point out that there is often ways to get therapy for free. This is something you may want to look into. If you find friends or acquaintances in your area that are in the mental health care industry, they'll likely be able to tell you where to find it.

PS. sorry for the wall of text. Hope some of it help :)

BlaqBull602 · 2022-10-19T16:56:22+00:00

Update: I made through to the other side, some days are easier than others but I still try & move forward all the same. I recently met someone which has been great, now I just need the others areas to fall into place and I'll be amazing after that. Made an appointment with my therapist but gotta wait till Nov when she has an opening, outside of all that I still have those dark moments but I'm trying to maintain a level of positivity after all I never thought I'd meet someone who I share so much in common with, kinda crazy when I think about it.

Title	This is more a vent than me asking for help but help would be nice
Author	BlaqBull602
Upvotes	9
Comments	6
Date	September 17, 2022 11:30 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/xgk1iz/this_is_more_a_vent_than_me_asking_for_help_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/this-is-more-a-vent-than-me-asking-for-help-but.1132718 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132718

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