About half a year ago, I made a post explaining my situation. My wife has schizophrenia. My job doesn't allow me to be a primary caregiver for my children (merchant marine officer) and as far as the non-maritime world is concerned, Im practically un-hireable (I've recieved countless rejections from jobs for which I am over-qualified because my skills and experience are foreign to the average HR guy.)

My wife assaulted me on February first and my teenager called the police. Since then she has been in psychiatric care with a no-contact order while she goes to pre-trial hearings and waits for trial. As of mid april, she wasnt taking her treatment seriously enough for the judge to consider dropping the no-contact order. At this point (with the advice of a therapist from betterhelp) I decided to start the separation process. This entire time I have been unable to work and the savings and credit are starting to run out.

A long time female acquaintance of mine evolved into an emotional affair after I decided to initiate separation. If Im honest it began before that, but we tried to keep things very appropriate at all times. The more we spoke and confided in one another, the deeper the connection became. The more we said "we need to chill out" the more our willpower to create distance crumbled. Completely mutual. Completely reciprocated. Completely impossible. I have 6 children and she has 3. She is still with the father of her children. I am trying to figure out how to take care of myself after finally deciding to leave my relationship. She feels trapped and doesnt want to traumatize her children by leaving her loveless relationship and I don't want her to destroy her family- if its about me and not the relationship. But the limerent fantasies are like a drug, or a crutch. Our intimate conversations and the closeness we've established are like a salve, except when I consider the hopelessness of it all. Then it feels like a weight on my chest. I can tell myself honestly that it isnt hopeless. But realistically its highly unlikely to be anything more than a very close friendship and because of the romantic feelings, that friendship is unsustainable.

So Im grieving the collapse of my marriage, my career and the relationship that never was. It's pretty hard.