AskReddit thread reveals widespread misconceptions about the definition of rape: blurring the line between 'acting quiet and weird' and 'being raped' in many stories. Thoughts on this?

Phuzzums · 2012-07-27T06:11:53+00:00

Definitely a lot of cases of guys who thought they were getting signals a girl but then when the girl resisted they stopped as they should. It's unfortunate that there has to be that stupid signal game when it comes to sex, I'd love for it to just be straight forward all the time but that really isn't realistic when it's a turn-off to most people to inquire directly to their sexual intentions.

Then there is that one post by the guy who actually preyed on girls in college, went after the ones with low self-esteem, put them in a position where they couldn't refuse and then took advantage of them. That guy is a sick fuck. Not only did he probably severely harm a lot of women, but he also harms men in a way as well. It's psychos like him that rape women and get away with it that makes women in our society have to be wary of men in general and always looking over their shoulder for potential rapists. The fact that people are actually praising him for coming forward and telling his story to somehow give insight to women wanting to avoid being raped is disgusting. This guy should be in prison for the rest of his life, not being treated like some kind of benevolent rape philosopher.

Anzereke · 2012-07-27T06:13:00+00:00

Then a guy claiming to be a serial rapist sidetracked the whole thing for massive karma with a shock narrative that I find vaguely suspect.

EDIT: Game of Trolls just had a resurgence...yeah now I'm really not buying this shit.

Shitbagsoldier · 2012-07-27T09:19:53+00:00

My spouse was raped while I was in basic training and only told me after I admitted that I had done something stupid with another girl. She said she had cheated on me as well and explained the whole thing to me. At first I was angry but when I started thinking about it, I knew that she was raped. She stated that she had gone to a party with one of her friends and of course alcohol was involved. She then said she didn't even drank that much (3 bud lights) and their were a lot of people around her that she didn't know. I asked her is she left her drink unattended at the party at all and she says she did for a while when she would go out and smoke. She then said she started to feel sick and drowsy and went to her friends bedroom and passed out. She remembers waking up with a guy on top of her and she was so terrified that she just laid their and her mind went blank/she passed out.

I "forgave" her immediately, telling her that she had been raped and that she did absolutely nothing wrong other than going out when I told her she should have stayed at home. It was so obvious from the way she was shook up and how emotional and scared she was when telling her story that she was not lying. It had been something she had kept bottled up inside because she thought she did something wrong and that I would be mad. Afterwards i made her call her mother who she is very close to so she could continue talking about it and get more reassurance from the people who love her that she did nothing wrong and she was a victim. I was furious that some asshole like that guy did something like that and hopefully he dies a slow painful death. If i ever find that guy I will gut his ass like a fucking pig and I will not make it quick. I fucking hate rapists and I know all of us despise these despicable excuses fro a human beings. But when a woman cries rape when she has not been it makes me sick to my stomach. I have heard from women who have said they have been raped and when carefully listening to their stories and judging their emotions, knew that they were full of shit. They need to be held accountable for their actions since they cause the accused a world of problems. TL;DR Men who actually rape women are the fucking scum of the earth. Women that lie about it are horrible people.

oneiorosgrip · 2012-07-27T22:53:05+00:00

My take on this is unpopular, but I really can't see it any other way. When a sex act between adults occurs, both parties involved are equally responsible, regardless of gender. The idea that women have proprietary ownership over consent is bullshit. Tradition doesn't matter in this. History doesn't matter in this. Social protocol doesn't matter in this. What matters is that unless there is force or coercion involved, or one party is incapacitated, (and for the record, that means coercion, not persuasion, and incapacitated means incapacitated, not a tipsy - too many people get those confused) a choice has been made by both parties involved.

You can make the choice to consent, or you can make the choice to refuse. The choice to withhold communication is not an excuse to cry rape later on.

This is what girls should be taught growing up - speak up, and say what you mean.

Conversely, boys could be taught sexual self defense, not because they're responsible for both parties' choices, but because the law holds them as such. Boys and men today live in a false allegation culture, in which the act of wrecking a life with an easy lie is not only socially and legally tolerated, but in some instances, rewarded. Until that changes, you have to treat every woman as a potential false accuser.

It doesn't matter who is responsible, what is right or wrong, whether or not you had every reason to believe consent was given. If you are not careful and meticulous in covering your own ass, any girl can wreck your life for it. That's the bottom line. So, don't mix alcohol with sex, and even when you're both sober if she chooses to withhold communication, you should be choosing to withhold sex... not because you're a rapist if you give in, but because you can be legally and socially treated as one.

kingoff00ls · 2012-07-27T07:53:43+00:00

I think if the woman doesn't say no or doesn't actually resist then I wouldn't call it rape. Just sitting there taking it without any resistance besides wiggling and making strange faces isn't enough, just reading that last phrase that happens a lot in sex anyways.

Of course fuck any "accidental" rapist for not trying to read the signs. If the person your fucking makes a strange face ask if something is wrong. Its pathetic that any lover wouldn't care about the pleasure of another.

If these quiet girls went along with such because they didn't want to say no and hoped he would read the signs and just went along with it......sorry but a guy shouldn't legally be in the wrong here. Express yourself ladies! but still fuck any guy for not reading the signs like that. on the same note though, guys can't read minds. If a chick assumes a guy will take the hint and he doesn't and she continues to go along with it.......then I can't really say rape has taken place. From the same token you can't steal an item that someone is giving you. Or if they say hey! I am taking your xbox.....and you just let them. then I wouldn't say theft occurred here.

Note: it would be different if the girl thought resistance or saying no would endanger her life......very different.

2012-07-27T22:34:45+00:00

Men and women: Ask the person. Say something. "I want you so bad right now." "I want to make love to you." "I want to fuck you so hard." Whatever. If they say yes, enjoy yourselves. If they say no, back the fuck off.

Men and women: If you don't want to, fucking say something. Humans are not mind readers.

Its not hard.

Hach8 · 2012-07-27T20:54:46+00:00

Yeah I get a little uncomfortable with the idea of this being in r/mensrights. It does us no good to be viewed as rape apologists, and there are reactions people are having to individuals self identifying as rapists.

Being anti-false-accusation doesn't mean pro-rape. That's something everyone needs to remember, feminists and MRA's and everyone else. Threads like this walk the line a little too closely. Tread lightly, to say the least...

Title	AskReddit thread reveals widespread misconceptions about the definition of rape: blurring the line between 'acting quiet and weird' and 'being raped' in many stories. Thoughts on this?
Author	shockdar
Upvotes	19
Comments	13
Date	July 27, 2012 4:52 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/x8e15/askreddit_thread_reveals_widespread/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/askreddit-thread-reveals-widespread-misconceptions.1017058 https://theredarchive.com/post/1017058

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