experiences with taking on children your partner had before you got together

PLSFK0FF · 2023-04-30T23:12:37+00:00

I have experiences with being the son of 2 step-moms and a step dad. I'm going to be honest here, odds favor you are basically taking on damage. Spend some time in r/stepparents and be prepared, it is not easy, never has been. I was a complete shit back then, and that's how many kids of divorce are.

Add in the fact you are going to bring a child to a different culture and country, and you can run into significant problems with acceptance, education, and your specific authority as a step-parent vs, the maternal mother.

If I was advising one of my adult children, I would tell them that all those issues I mentioned should be heavily discussed and agreed upon before a decision is made.

Secret-Pomelo-9148 · 2023-04-30T22:56:26+00:00

Sorry but why? Sounds like an episode of 90 day fiancé. They never end well. Raising Chad’s, Tyrone’s, Manuel’s or Tran’s kids, while noble, is a fool’s errand IMO.

IceCorrect · 2023-04-30T21:54:52+00:00

Remember that they would enjoy all laws us have for women and most if not all are in your disadvantage

Stunning-Cost-5752 · 2023-04-30T23:49:53+00:00

As someone married to a wife from overseas the legal issues are great and you need to understand the risk, does it work yes I'm happily married.and we have one kid so far.

Read up on your legal requirements that if you do marry an overseas wife your signing up for cause once you do there is no take backs https://www.uscis.gov/i-864

lightbenderfm · 2023-05-01T00:02:19+00:00

I’m probably the exception here but this is my story. I met my wife about 13 years ago. At the time she was married with 2 kids 4yo and 8 months old. We were coworkers and friends for about 2 years. She played mother to her then husband. She got pregnant with their 3rd and I had fallen hard for her. I was a divorcee with no kids and I didn’t want to get into any relationship, let alone with a married person with 3 kids.

We’ve been married almost 9 years and have one kid that is my blood. The older 3 I love like my own. The first few years were super fucking hard. There were a lot of times that I figured it was over. Maybe I should have ended it at some point, idk. But right now I’m happier than I can remember ever being.

My guess is that it’ll be stressful and frustrating a lot in the beginning. Hopefully, if you do marry her, and manage to stick it out through the growing pains of blending a family, you can end up similar to me. I know a lot don’t.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2023-05-01T14:42:39+00:00

The woman i will be with once my divorce is finally done has two young boys. I never thought id start another family again but they are a package deal and i care about those boys a lot. I hope to be a positive influence in their lives.

Designer_Bowler_5945 · 2023-04-30T21:35:30+00:00

i don’t have an answer for you but i just wanna say i hope i cross paths with a man that is so invested & in love with me in me that he thinks this deeply when it comes to becoming apart of my daughter life 🥲🤎

HikingConnoisseur · 2023-05-01T08:56:14+00:00

I can think of no greater insult towards a man than raising another man's child.

I would literally rather die than do so.

I advise you not to go down this path.

Wonderful_Working315 · 2023-05-01T16:37:36+00:00

Hey man, wake up, and run! You're talking about looking forward to spoiling a kid you've never met. Bro, go get a dog or join a mentorship program.

This woman 100% will divorce you and take everything. Or you won't be able to get rid of her, because your her sponsor for immigration.

Dude, you need to quit dating and fix your mental health. Do not go through with this!

rahsoft · 2023-05-01T20:57:34+00:00

what I am not hearing is.. where is the daughters dad???

there was a story in the UK guardian a few years ago of a divorced women from indonesia who married a brit. she already had one son who lived with dad in indonesia. she had a baby with the brit and was asked about her experience in the UK etc

she lamented how is was not fair that her son was in indonesia and how children should belong with the mother. many commenters pointed out how she was willing to destroy her sons life( and his father for her desires because she decided to move to the west).

no doubt her new husband got a wake up call on how his new wife would treat him if they were to ever divorce...

you sound like you are still in a bit of a honeymoon phase and the reality and practicalities haven't sunk in yet.

please also do not assume that just because she is from south east asia that she will better than american women( i know plenty of men are "passport bros") , alas i think that even if she turns out to be true, you are in the wrong country to be taking the risk...

... been married to one myself from the region...

Title	experiences with taking on children your partner had before you got together
Author	Wafer_Stock
Upvotes	1
Comments	34
Date	April 30, 2023 9:28 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1343jls/experiences_with_taking_on_children_your_partner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/experiences-with-taking-on-children-your-partner.1217172 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217172

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