Honestly...

headingtoshore · 2019-12-18T23:52:22+00:00

So you have this anger, and you don't know what to DO about it. At first you didn't need to know, it wasn't about knowing, you were angry and you lashed out. But that did not resolve the anger, and you got older and realized that this lashing out would never provide the resolution you need.

It's worth noting that when someone does lash out in their anger, the undeserving target of their rage will often become burdened by such feelings of anger and injustice and may then go on to lash out at others.

In a very real way it's all one big ANGER that we all share among each other.

You were neglected. No one was there for you when you needed them. It's still happening today and it is not to late.

Here is action you can take to resolve the anger and to be free of it. Set aside time and seek out some neglected person. Someone who is alone, friendless, as you were.

I believe that you will find, if you give it a try, that by helping other neglected people you can confront NEGLECT you can resolve it.

StreamLined256 · 2019-12-19T00:58:04+00:00

You should consider seeking some professional help, bottling up you emotions like that is very unhealthy. Also make it clear to the people in your life that you are having these isues and if they continue to tell you suck it up consider removing them from your life or at least distancing yourself from them.

AskingToFeminists · 2019-12-19T01:45:29+00:00

When I was a kid, I was severely bullied. Like, by almost everyone. My father had no idea what to do about it even though it hurt him. My mother was mostly painfully clueless most of the time, and part of the problem the rest of it. My brother was one of the worst offenders, making my life at home as much of a constant hell as it was outside of it. I can tell you that I know what it is to wish to kill someone. I can tell you that I know what it is to snap in anger to the point that I would have killed him if it weren't for three older boys forcibly restraining me from bashing his head with my fist, due to the sheer rage and desperation I felt. I also know what it is to wish to die, and reflecting on how to accomplish it.

Accept those feelings. They are part of you. Something deeply unjust was done to you, and you have every right to feel the way you do. It is a normal and healthy reaction, to react with anger in front of injustice.

But you are also keenly aware that to continue to have these feelings is not a healthy thing, for you. It is dysfunctional.

For me, what I went through made me lash out at everyone. As a consequence, no one wanted to come near me, and people lashed out in retaliation. Of course, I perceived it as further abuse, and that turned into a vicious circle, a self fulfilling prophecy. I had to realize that, and to learn to just behave and think differently. Knowadays, I am familiar with the field of CBT psychology, and I realize that I performed by myself what is called cognitive restructuring. If you can't do it by yourself, I advize you to look for a cognitive-behavioral therapist, or at least to pick up books on the subject to learn how it is done. The idea is to train yourself to replace dysfunctional ways of thinking (cognitions) and of acting (behaviors) by functional ones. Try to notice when you have the dysfunctional ones, and to think of alternative, functional ways that you could have used. Through practice, it becomes a second nature, then it replace the first.

Being angry is further wasting energy on people who are not worth it. Beside, those people all have histories that made them behave the way they did/do, and they might be just as much victims of their dysfunctions as you were/are. It is better for you to learn to live with what happened, as you can't change it, and you can't change how people are. The only thing you can change is how you react to it.

Today, while I am not close to my brother, I have a deep respect for him, no anymosity left, and the rare times we see each others, we are cordial. We never discussed our childhood, never aired any resentment or whatever. If he one day feel the need to, which I doubt, I have no issue with it, but it is not something I feel the need to. Now, all I feel is sadness over what could have been, and about the terrible things that happened.

My mother, I still have some affection for. She is still as clueless as ever. She is what she is, and as I don't have to live with her anymore, I am able to enjoy the time I spend with her, the rare times it happens.

My father, I deeply love him. He couldn't have been a better father, because he didn't know how.

I also realized that all that happened to me forged me into who I am right now, and taught me some lessons. I didn't ignore and bury my past. I didn't forgive what happened to me, exactly. I used it to learn and grow. It fueled my reflections on the world, on people, on myself. What I did was actually moving on, but not in the sense you seem to attribute to it that seems clothier to burying it. But it is not an easy process. You have to face what happened to you and confront it. You have to face the part you played in it and are still playing, and wrestle with it. You have to work at it. People who tell you to "move on" without more, as if it was easy, either never had to move on or lack self awareness. Most probably never had to move on. "you have to move on" is the conventional wisdom, and everyone knows it is the social protocol to say those words, but very few know its meaning and the work it entails.

It takes work, to move on. And time. And a will to face what you went through and how you go through it.

As I said, the basic principle is this : notice the behavior and thought pattern you wish to change. You may even write them down. Reflect on them and on what the healthier alternatives are. Write them down too. You may even count them to see how it evolve and keep track of your progress. The goal is not to think positive. It is to think realist. The goal might be to go from "what happened to le is unacceptable and those people are monsters that I wish would die" to "bad things happened to me. Those people have issues, and I have no obligations toward them" or something like that, not to "nothing bad happened to me and everything is peachy.".

The easiest thing, of course, is to seek the help of a trained therapist who will be able to guide you through that.

EvilLothar · 2019-12-19T14:53:53+00:00

So you're angry... so what. Why is that a bad thing? Have you tried to figured out why you're so angry? You were neglected... And? Do you think or feel that you are owed something by these people? You don't get to choose your family, but you do get to choose to associate with them or not. Helping others is not some great cure for your anger. You need to look at yourself and find the antidote to your anger.... what is it that makes you happy?

You don't cure anger with nice.. you cure it with acceptance. Once you accept that things are the way they are, you will understand that you control your emotions, and not the other way around. Get out of your mindset and find what makes you happy.

MGTOWch · 2019-12-18T23:54:53+00:00

You might not like it, but get over it. Life owe you nothing. People owe you nothing.

Just life your damn life as you want to live it and stop whining about things you don’t have control over.

I personally don’t care about your struggle as 99.9% of the people around you (more so on the internet).

The faster your understand and deal with it, the better you will live.

Just live, focus, grow, evolve. And be happy I took 5min to give you a door to a better future.

mikesteane · 2019-12-19T00:02:18+00:00

Travel is the antidote. Not on arranged tours but roughing it and working your way around the World. If you don't have any money so much the better. Work and save hard enough to get you started.

Title	Honestly...
Author	LearnerSenpai
Upvotes	7
Comments	16
Date	December 18, 2019 11:03 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/eck7m8/honestly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/honestly.862694 https://theredarchive.com/post/862694

Comments