I need advice.

ErasmusMRA · 2012-12-06T09:18:04+00:00

I'll tell you how it's likely to go. She'll say she didn't think about it and that everyone else was circumcised. Or she'll say it looks cleaner/neater.

If you say that you would have rather had an intact penis, she will get defensive.

Is this a conversation you want to have?

lurker_lenore · 2012-12-07T02:33:48+00:00

I'll repost my comment from a similar post a while back:

Okay, I see several different things coming up in your post, so I'll try to address them individually.

My body was mutilated. This is very difficult to address; I can't offer much in the way of comfort, only context. Yes and no - the most sensitive part of your genitals was surgically removed. It was done with the same standards of care that every other medical procedure is performed.

Like I said, not comforting, I know - what I'm saying is the act wasn't malicious; it was done with your best interests in mind. Your parents and doctors acted out of ignorance or incorrect knowledge.

You still (I assume) possess full sexual ability, with regard to arousal and orgasm. Unfortunately, there's not much more I can say. I am deeply sorry this happened to you, and that you're in pain.

How could my parents do this if they love me?

As I said above, your parents weren't trying to hurt you, nor did they imagine the hurt, fear, and anger you're going through now. They acted based on what they're told by doctors, their parents, and American culture.

Your parents love you. They were misled, like millions of other parents, everyday.

Why didn't my parents tell me?

Apologies for being redundant - but to them, male circumcision is a non-issue. They didn't tell you because they never considered it might be something you'd need to talk about.

I feel shame for being different/not knowing I was different.

The majority of American men are circumcised, just like you. Though you feel different - and you have every right to feel that way - no one is going to judge you, mock you, or pity you for it. This includes women - any partner or paramour worth your time will not degrade you for something beyond your control.

By your own admission, this is a recent realization, so I'll start with this: There is no shame in ignorance. Beyond that, I have only platitudes - you'll come to terms with it.

I went through a period of anger when I realized the extent of what being circumcised meant. Anger at doctors, politicians - anyone who supports it, and allows it to continue. I realized, though, that none of those people determine my self-worth, and all the things I'm most proud of about myself have nothing to do with how my penis looks.

Hang in there. Be angry, and be upset - and then do something about it.

What do I do now?

If were going through what you are, I would show my parents and girlfriend the Bullshit circumcision episode (separately - I'm not sure you want to mix those conversations). A few things to keep in mind when you do -

This is probably new information for them, and they'll need to process it. Wait a day or so for an appropriate time to raise the topic, and your reaction to it.

Sometimes, when confronted by another person's emotional trauma, people can seem reserved or distant. This doesn't mean they're indifferent or unsympathetic, just that they're giving you the space you need to talk it out, and avoid saying the wrong thing. If, after you've said your peace, they show minimal reaction, just ask for a hug (verbally or by opening your arms).

You are allowed to feel however you're feeling. If your parents make the case that "everyone is circumcised," calmly point out that another person's acceptance doesn't invalidate your feelings.

Once again, I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm sorry you're hurting. I'll think good thoughts for you, and I hope I helped.

MR_Recursive_Ion · 2012-12-06T10:11:47+00:00

I didn't bring it up but my mother recently said it was "automatic".

I never brought it up because my mom is not having any more kids or advising anyone who is having them. And there is no fix for it, so even if she understood my regrets she could not fix it.

If/when the stem cell foreskin regeneration becomes available I will talk frankly with her about it.

onetenth · 2012-12-06T10:53:02+00:00

deleted

rightsbot · 2012-12-06T09:14:19+00:00

Post text automatically copied here. (Why?) (Report a problem.)

Title	I need advice.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	11
Date	December 6, 2012 9:13 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/14dkd7/i_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-need-advice.1007396 https://theredarchive.com/post/1007396

Comments