I need help

Lethn · 2017-03-02T09:29:39+00:00

You must be really stressed out right now but honestly, I think you handled yourself fine. The fact that the police were professional and didn't end up taking you to jail which can often happen to men means this is the best outcome you could have hoped for.

Don't bother with a violent girlfriend, she was in the wrong and don't let anyone guilt trip you into thinking otherwise. Depending on how you're raised we're always told you should never hit a girl blah blah blah don't do things like this to a girl, but as far as I'm concerned if you don't want to get into a fight, you don't attack other people, doesn't matter the gender.

She fucked up, not you, this is about as clear cut as it can get and that's probably why the police took her in, the worse thing you could do right now is go back to her and start backing her up if it comes to a court case because she will take advantage of that if she's violent.

1paleoman · 2017-03-02T11:39:29+00:00

No matter what, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK IN. If the residence is your property, change the locks. Call the police every time she shows up on your property. Obtain a restraining order if possible. No second chances - ever. There is very strong research to suggest that if you allow her back into your life, her violence toward you will ESCALATE. You will be saving yourself, and possibly your father by keeping her far, far away.

SPQB · 2017-03-02T09:45:06+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear this has happened to you. But I agree with /u/Lethn: you did the right thing. You didn't retaliate. You called the police. It's what a decent, law-abiding, responsible human being would do in your situation; assuming that there was no immediate and unavoidable need for self defence. You have no reason to reproach yourself or feel guilty. It's your girlfriend who should feel ashamed. If she tries to even suggest that you "snitched" then she is abusing you again.

Make sure you preserve any evidence. Write an account, step-by-step, of the whole incident now, while it's still fresh in your mind. This will be useful as a aid to memory, in case she later tries to use a twisted narrative of what happened last night. But for the moment, do not show this account to anyone but your lawyer. Do not even tell anyone else of its existence. Keep it safe and hidden.

Most of all. Go to a lawyer, right now. Find out what you have to do to get this person out of your life, forever. Protect yourself against her.

She doesn't need to be bigger or stronger than you in order to victimise you. She just needs to be willing to hurt you — whether that's physically, or by manipulating the legal system or social expectations.

You not wanting to do the same to her, is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of decency and strength of character. But so is not being willing to let her carry on hurting you. Do not back down. Do not reproach yourself. Have the self respect to end your relationship with this woman. Go to a lawyer now. Collect evidence. Take whatever legal steps necessary to get her out of your life.

Good luck. Stay strong.

user1492 · 2017-03-02T12:04:44+00:00

A failure? Why? Because someone was beating you up and you were smart enough to call the police? No, that's called being smart. There's nothing wrong with asking for help.

A snitch? Why? Because you exposed a criminal to the police? If it wasn't you it would have been someone else. Criminals typically don't stop their behavior unilaterally. They need someone to stop them.

Where do you go? Call the police. There's likely a victim's advocate you can talk to. He will help you figure out the process of getting a protective order.

2017-03-02T10:23:39+00:00

You did the right thing. Don't feel guilty. In the setting of everyday life people who resort to violence for anything but defending themselves against violence deserve to be arrested, booked and charged.

Kyle_Fischer · 2017-03-02T15:11:48+00:00

Bro, file for a restraining order against her. Get her out of your house. Don't ever go back to her. Move on. She sounds like she could be a female predator, and it won't stop. She probably has a Borderline Personality Disorder, and if she does, then she will come back all weepy and sugary sweet. But, if she has a BPD, it will happen again. It will be like the beginning of many Dexter episodes, "Tonight's the night. And, it's going to happen, again and again."

ejh3k · 2017-03-02T16:15:57+00:00

My brother got stabbed by his "girlfriend" last summer. Cops came and arrested him. As of this morning he is still living with our parents until the sheriff gets around to exciting her.

Be glad you are safe. Keep her out of your life and move on. You are alive and should stay that way as long as she is gone.

aBrilliantSword · 2017-03-02T17:30:15+00:00

Be glad you yourself weren't hauled away. As bad as things must feel, they could be a lot, lot worse.

Break all ties with this woman. Stop by /r/MGTOW. Your life begins anew, today.

Jekyll2000 · 2017-03-02T17:35:41+00:00

Its been said a few times already but make sure to keep her out of your life from now on. I had a gf that got physically and mentally abusive when drinking. We had a blow up one night and it got physical. After that we broke up and stayed that way for about a year. Then we started seeing each other as friends and in no time at all we were back together and living with each other. Things were good for a while but after a few years the physical and mental abuse returned and I guess I was looking for a way out. One night we had a very public fight (not physical just a lot of yelling). She left and went back to the apartment and told me never to come back. I took it to heart and never came back. The next few weeks were difficult. She would apologize, offer sex, tell me that no one else would want me. But now I'm happier than I ever was with her and I will never let myself get into that situation again.

Good luck in your situation and stay strong. Also get help from your support system. If it weren't for my friends and parents backing me up and letting me couch surf for a month, I could have very easily let her slip back into my life.

chocoboat · 2017-03-03T02:45:23+00:00

You did the right thing. The wrong thing would be to fight back and get yourself arrested when the police show up... or to just sit there and let her get away with beating you.

You had no choice. Of course you didn't want to get her into legal trouble... she got herself into this mess by choosing to become violent. And it's her problem to deal with now.

It's a confusing situation because you loved her until recently, and probably still do to some extent. But she needs to be held accountable for her actions and she needs to learn the lesson that you can't just get violent against people when you get upset. It must have seemed totally crazy when it first happened... now that it's almost a day later hopefully you've been able to wrap your head around the situation... it just takes some time to sort out.

cld8 · 2017-03-03T04:58:25+00:00

I think you did the right thing here. You are fortunate that you got officers who were cooperative and understanding. It's normal to be stressed and angry when something like this happens, especially since society conditions men to not show emotions or ask for help. But you handled this well. I suggest you look into a PFA.

Aeternalis_ · 2017-03-03T06:04:18+00:00

Failure and a snitch

You're neither of those things. You were being abused and it's over now. You got through emotional and physical trauma.

Good for you and good luck.

Title	I need help
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	46
Comments	12
Date	March 2, 2017 9:15 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/5x29g8/i_need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-need-help.930692 https://theredarchive.com/post/930692

Comments